The Asperger Man tries to be a leader.

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Since I was diagnosed with Aspergers about 18 months ago, people who I know fairly well, such as my extended family, are always asking me, "What is Aspergers?" I really hate talking to people, and I don't feel like reciting a litany of diagnostic criterion. It would be easier if I had something that people easily understood what it is, such as "cancer", or "lupus". People don't understand my condition because Aspergers is an "invisible disability", and I can fool people into thinking that I am normal for a period of time; a fact that actually works against me. If i had developed a giant 10 lb. goiter, people would look at me and say, "Look, that man has a giant goiter; he must not be getting enough salt in his diet." Then they would walk away and leave me alone.

When I have to explain Aspergers to someone, I typically use a non-PC definition only because it is short and sweet. I tell them that I am socially ret*d and that I have very few functional life skills. I think that when it comes down to it, that is Aspergers; social retardation. As insensitive as it sounds, that is how I feel whenever I am in public.

People ask me, "Well, why cant you CHANGE and try harder to fit in, you seem smart enough?" Well, asking a person with AS to start being social is like asking a Chinese person to stop being Chinese. It befuddled my teachers and parents how a child could be so advanced in some areas of development yet be unable to tie his shoes. Autism never occured to them and they thought I was just being defiant. They confused "won't change" with "can't change."

I thought back to my 7th grade health class when we were shown the "Life Triangle". This is a triangle divided into 3 equal sections, displaying the physical, mental, and social facets of our lives. The point they were trying to make is that if any one of these three qualities were taken away from our lives, it would throw the "Life Triangle" askew and our lives would become unhealthy and unbalanced.

With my Aspergers, my "Social Slice" is absent, as evinced by the fact that I have no social life whatsoever, besides going to the gym(which I guess counts towards the physical slice).

Comparing the three "slices", I feel that the social factor is far more important in leading a functional life than the physical and mental factors. Our social skills are the very basis for how we survive as adults at all. Our social competency determines wether we can find and hold a job, marry and have children, have friends, function in public, and perform basic, necessary, interpersonal life skills, such as call the Cable Guy over to set up your Movie Channels. How can anyone function without social skills? I suppose that is why I live in a reclusive state and am still largely dependent on my parents to act as my "mouth". I am incapable of independent living, because I have the social and personal skills of a seven year old and I can not speak a complete, coherent sentence.

When I was growing up, I was trying as hard as I could to fool people into thinking that I was normal, and for a time, I could be reasonably effective. Invariably, however, I would become a pariah once my peers realized how truly incompetent I really am/was.

Initially, whenever I would enter a novel situation, such as a new class or the military, I would tend to strike people as a quietly intelligent sort of guy, and they would be quick to put me in some sort of leadership role. The only reason, however, that they might think that I am intelligent in the functional way is because occasionally I can recite some obscure piece of trivia or put together an especially profound sentence that briefly "dazzles" them. In school, I was put in charge of class-groups all of the time, only to have my facade leadership usurped once my far more competent peers realized that I was inept and took the project into their more capable hands, leaving me as a figurehead if I was lucky. I would wind up staring into space and contributing absolutely nothing to the collaborative effort; my peers wanted no input from me and the social whirlwind of the group effort was far too advanced for my simple brain. Even if I had an idea, it would have been far too unconventional for their plebian minds and they would have looked at me like I was speaking to them in Russian. In those days, I was quite the pathetic little man and I received no respect from anyone. I was the complete antithesis of a leader. To lead, one has to know where they are going, and I couldn't see my hands in front of my face.

When I got to Ft. Jackson to commence my Basic Training early in 2005, I made some kind of good impression(I can't possibly no what it was), on the Reception Drill Sergeant. "Reception", in the Army, is the processing unit you stay in for about a week when you first enlist where they issue your uniforms before you move on to your Basic Training platoon. Anyway, the Drill Sergeant made me the "Guide", that is, the leader of the platoon; a group of about 100 scared guys.

I was absolutely clueless about what to do as a "leader" of a century of men all far more competent individuals than I. The Drill Sergeant gave me a list of tasks to accomplish, in addition to my own in-processing, which I was already stressed-out enough as it was. I had to...

1.Get a complete roster of all the guys in the platoon and their basic contact info.
2.Write down everyone's shoe size.
3.Get the platoon to completely clean the Barracks.
4.Get everyone lined up and ready to go to Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, at the appropriate times of day.
5.Maintain a complete accountability of all 100 guys at all times, and turn in a roster report at the end of each night.
6.Set up shifts for Fire Guard.
7. Make sure everyone has their medical records and gets issued the correct gear.
8.Act as a Liaison between the Drill Sergeant and the men.
9.Group Laundry

So as you can see, it was a daunting list of responsibilities that would overwhelm anyone. More so, I also had to take care of my own personal inprocessing stuff. As I found out later, the "right move" would have been for me to delegate out the tasks to different people, but such an idea was far beyond my sphere of social competency. I worked like a dog trying to achieve all of the tasks myself. I came off as forward and intrusive and rushed, therefore making enemies of everyone. It was an absolute debacle. Everyone was coming up to me wanting me to devote my personal attention to them and then they turned on me when I could not satisfy them.

Being a leader is tough. The "followers" don't realize quite how tough it is when they aren't in the shoes of the leader. The "rebellion" always starts off so innocently, the little comments and suggestions here and there, and, before you know it, you have a full-scale insurrection on your hands. I had joined the Army for all the wrong reasons and I did not even want to be there in the first place, much less any extra responsibility. But it has been my curse that I always bring these sorts of things on myself by my own bad judgement. My AS makes me misinterpret situations so I always make the wrong move.

I have a slightly-odd gait of walking and I tend to talk, when I talk, like I am reading from a college textbook.(I was as of yet unDXed). My fellows quickly picked up on my oddness and began to ridicule me publicly and privately. The reactions got worse and worse. I was falling apart two days into being the Guide. Fortunately, the Drill Sergeants began to see my struggles and before too long I was mercifully removed from my post. However, the bad effect of all this was to leave me with an awful reputation as a weirdo and a**hole as we prepared to depart for Basic Training, which would be fraught with previously unimaginable horrors for myself for which I was ill-prepared.

How did the military work out for you?

I connected! I'm 39 years old, male. Very different from you... but boy do I connect.

Your story fits well with my 9 years of running my own computer business. I thought everyone had these problems. The being smart and people thinking you mean it, the rebellions and inability to understand why or deal with them.

And I've been using the same exact phrasing of you and being a 'social ret*d", as people just don't GET that you can't wish it away!

thank you for your story!! !

The military has some perfect aspects for the autistic, alongside plenty of horrors. Being given direct unambiguous orders, following a strictly structured routine, perfect work for the obsessive. Meanwhile, the standardization through moulding people towards military efficiency emphasizes our positions as the outsider immensely, given our difficulties (or simple lack of desire) to adapt. Unfortunately, when you are the one giving orders you've still got all the disadvantages while loosing the advantages.

I considered joining the army once, mainly due to my interest in military history, but I'd be awful I suspect. Besides, Autistics are disallowed from military service in the UK.

The modern psychology that pervades the media leaves the layperson who consumes that media with the idea that we have free will to do anything we put our mind to. So I can totally understand people not getting that you can be "smart" yet fail to achieve the "measures of a man" expected of neurotypicals.

This seems to be a common theme in those with high-functioning ASD's, I wouldn't be surprised if 90% of them would agree with the statement that "people think I'm smart but cannot understand why I fail." As you said, it is hard to do anything without good social skills, they are a huge part of being successful in adult life, and those with ASD's just don't have the right wiring to be able to understand social situations well.

People always told me I was smart and wondered why I: failed to do my school work, was terrible at sports, and acted so socially inept. I was called a loser all through high school. I really never saw myself a smart though, I just had good verbal ability, reasoning skills. and knew a plethora of information. People tend to see these aspects as making one intelligent but do not appreciate all the other abilities abilities which serve to make a person intelligent and function well in daily life.

On a positive note, it is possible to improve your social skills to a small degree. I used to always say things that were inappropriate, but I have learned rules about what is and what is not socially acceptable to say.