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Aspinator
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26 Apr 2009, 10:29 pm

I am in my 50s and although I have known I have had Aspergers for a few years now, I did not get officially diagnosed until January of this year. I got an official diagnosis for personal reasons. The response I have gotten from my siblings was totally unexpected. They have in essence, shunned me. They were OK with seeing me as a loner recluse but not as someone with Aspergers. I would have thought they would have at least offered encouragement and support. I realize this is my life and I have to act in ways that benefit myself. I guess this type of reaction is good in a way because it is a litmus test that shows their true colors. If they can't accept me for who I am, it is better they are not a part of my life. I realize this is a vent but this is something I needed to get off my chest. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar reaction from their siblings



pensieve
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26 Apr 2009, 10:40 pm

Just friends.
My siblings still treat me like crap as though I haven't even got AS.

I'm sorry that they shunned you. That is horrible.



Jamin
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26 Apr 2009, 10:50 pm

Aspinator wrote:
They have in essence, shunned me. They were OK with seeing me as a loner recluse but not as someone with Aspergers.


Not very cool of them. Sorry about that...

I suppose I should expect the same from my sibs.....so essentially continue to be the eccentric reclusive brilliant uncle who has time and patience for no one.

And am quite fine with it.

.


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sinsboldly
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26 Apr 2009, 11:27 pm

Aspinator wrote:
I am in my 50s and although I have known I have had Aspergers for a few years now, I did not get officially diagnosed until January of this year. I got an official diagnosis for personal reasons. The response I have gotten from my siblings was totally unexpected. They have in essence, shunned me. They were OK with seeing me as a loner recluse but not as someone with Aspergers. I would have thought they would have at least offered encouragement and support. I realize this is my life and I have to act in ways that benefit myself. I guess this type of reaction is good in a way because it is a litmus test that shows their true colors. If they can't accept me for who I am, it is better they are not a part of my life. I realize this is a vent but this is something I needed to get off my chest. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar reaction from their siblings


I admire your courage. I would like to see the look on my brother's face when he realizes that I was Asperger's autistic all those years ago. But I don't want to disturb the silence I have had from him since before and after my parent's passed away. He couldn't think any worse of me, actually. Please don't let what they think of you bother you so much. We sort of learn to have a new family now at WP.

Merle


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Jamin
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27 Apr 2009, 3:49 am

sinsboldly wrote:
I admire your courage. I would like to see the look on my brother's face when he realizes that I was Asperger's autistic all those years ago. But I don't want to disturb the silence I have had from him since before and after my parent's passed away. He couldn't think any worse of me, actually. Please don't let what they think of you bother you so much. We sort of learn to have a new family now at WP.


Hear Hear, I second!! ! :D


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mistercheech
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27 Apr 2009, 4:13 am

my sis didn't care at all really. if anything its helped us come a little closer cause now she knows there's a reason why i'm a little 'off.'



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27 Apr 2009, 1:14 pm

Aspinator, how did they shun you? I ask because fifties is an advanced age to START to shun a sibling usually. I'm curious as to how it happened...

Just like my WP sister Merle here, my siblings shunned me without knowing about AS or that I had a neurological condition. They wouldn't care what I have, just that I don't fit their lifestyle of social contacts and money as top values, so it wouldn't make any difference if I told them (we haven't spoken for many years, though, and never will again).

I hope Merle adopts you as her brother, as she's done with me. :)


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SpongeBobRocksMao
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27 Apr 2009, 2:36 pm

Sorry to hear that, my guess is that they don't understand Asperger's, but still it's not nice of them to do that.


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2ukenkerl
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27 Apr 2009, 5:53 pm

Aspinator wrote:
I am in my 50s and although I have known I have had Aspergers for a few years now, I did not get officially diagnosed until January of this year. I got an official diagnosis for personal reasons. The response I have gotten from my siblings was totally unexpected. They have in essence, shunned me. They were OK with seeing me as a loner recluse but not as someone with Aspergers. I would have thought they would have at least offered encouragement and support. I realize this is my life and I have to act in ways that benefit myself. I guess this type of reaction is good in a way because it is a litmus test that shows their true colors. If they can't accept me for who I am, it is better they are not a part of my life. I realize this is a vent but this is something I needed to get off my chest. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar reaction from their siblings


Maybe they thought they could catch it. :?

I sometimes wonder how much others think of me, If someone from my school days thought of me while they heard about AS, they may see the similarity. It IS eary! My father doesn't talk to me about autism anymore, so I wonder iff he spoke with his wife, who I told about my suspicions that I have AS.



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27 Apr 2009, 6:28 pm

Chances are they were already mentally "there", just needed to hear that "straw that broke the camel's back". I mean...when my Dad went back to NJ for his mom's funeral, he told my Uncle I was Autistic( for whatever reason it was any of his business, I have no idea)...and both he and my Aunt suddenly referred to me as "severely crippled". What made it worse was, being that my dad is completely spineless, he temporarily disregarded any knowledge he already had about Autism, and just sided with them.

Ironically, my Dad is also the black sheep of his family, as his family is a bunch of pricks & he's adopted.

It's like no matter what I tell him about his family, he tells himself he's getting acceptance that he really isn't.

But getting back to my main point, dude I think the only one that was in denial the whole time....I hate to say...was you. You wanted to believe that your family was warm and accepting of you despite some quirks, but the deep down truth was they really weren't; obviously, they weren't going to say anything, but better you found out this way than otherwise.

And hey....as George Carlin would say "F--- 'em!" They don't deserve you in their lives if they're so horrible to you.

Just remember- Einstein was also Autistic, and he barely spent time engaging in discussion with people; he had good reason too, and he won the Nobel Prize for his efforts. We hear all the time about Einstein and his greatness; do we hear about the other scientists that were in his quarters? No, there's a reason for it; figure it out :)



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28 Apr 2009, 4:26 am

I experience very little interaction with my siblings anyway. The youngest has many AS traits and just gets on with his obsessions all the time; I don't think he'd shun me if he learnt of my AS, but I'm unable to break the news to him. My parents avoid subjects related to my difficulties. I think family shuns and avoids those with such issues when they do not want to face them or risk having to take on a caring role of some form. My parents were always terrified of the responsibility of admitting any impairments I had, so they exist in denial.



Greentea
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28 Apr 2009, 4:40 am

outlier wrote:
My parents avoid subjects related to my difficulties. I think family shuns and avoids those with such issues when they do not want to face them or risk having to take on a caring role of some form. My parents were always terrified of the responsibility of admitting any impairments I had, so they exist in denial.


I believe that's the main reason why they get rid of us. My siblings also got rid of our parents when they became old and sick. Though they'd been a burden for years before, requiring lots of help from our parents and I, when they finally made it but the parents became the burden, they cut contact.


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AmberEyes
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28 Apr 2009, 4:48 am

outlier wrote:
My parents avoid subjects related to my difficulties. I think family shuns and avoids those with such issues when they do not want to face them or risk having to take on a caring role of some form. My parents were always terrified of the responsibility of admitting any impairments I had, so they exist in denial.


Same here.



millie
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28 Apr 2009, 5:02 am

shunned from here to eternity.
but then, i have also learned over the past few years i can be a difficult person.
see some siblings and not others.
all know of my AS. most think it explains a lot. no shunning in relation to AS dx.
just shunned for the behaviours associated with it. :lol: