My fingernails. :(

Post Reply New Topic

I've been under a lot of stress during finals week at my school, and since I've gotten home...the stress continued at home bcuz I had to break the news to my stepmom that I had to take an incomplete in my math class and look at my other grades, too. My heart was literally hammering in my chest when I checked them for the first time. I did even better than I thought, and my folks thought I did good, too, but I still have other things to stress out about....I'm seeing a psychiatrist soon, there's a Christmas party tomorrow night, my extended family's coming over to stay for a few days after Christmas, I have to do things right so people won't get mad at me, there's going to be a ton of stuff happening that I won't have any control over/escape from....

I've been so anxious lately that I've been picking/biting my fingernails/cuticles until they're raw. It really hurts, but I can't stop it. I just wish I could carry my stuffed dolphin, Dory, around, instead of having to keep her hidden in my pockets, but I can't. When I'm holding her in my hands and stroking her tail, my fingers don't "attack each other" - that is, I don't bite/pick at my fingernails.

Isn't this a form of self-harm, what I do to my fingernails? I used to self-harm in other ways, in addition to this, until I managed to stop.

I think you have a right to carry Dory if it makes you feel better (of course I know in reality it may not be that easy).

Get your nails polished with really bright or dark polish, even if they are short and bloody. It will stop your instincts to bite because it won't look like your nails (believe me, I bit mine to bloody stumps for 50 years).

Hope it goes ok for you, I've had a lot of socializing lately too, it's just plain freaky and exhausting.

I don't think it's self harm, I think it's just a nervous habit. Carry her around anyway and when people ask why tell them that you are trying to stop biting your nails so you are keeping something in your hands so they stay busy and away from your mouth. They can't argue with that. People do strange things when they are trying to break a habit. Look at people popping their wrists with rubber bands, or chewing on straws, etc. This is no different. Just tell them it's to keep your hands busy so you don't bite your nails.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I agree, carry Dory around if you wish. There is nothing wrong with that. I have some toys that I carry in a beautiful fleece bag sometimes. It's a burbur kind of fleece so it looks really nice. But it's cool because people mistaken for a unique purse and it is very soft so I can stim with the bag itself. And I am holding my toys at the same time. It came in handy when I was about to have a meltdown when I was in a shop. I pulled it out of my pocket and held it with my toys in it and everyone just thought I was holding a purse. But the softness of it was great and I was able to discreetly caress it and squeeze it and it helped me. I also bought a stim toy recently that I keep in my car. It's a Life Is Good stuffed dog. I was at REI looking at stuff, I love that store, they have such great things to touch, and I picked up this dog and as I held it I felt my spine and entire body just relax and cool down. I literally felt a cooling sensation all the way down my spine and my entire body relaxed and I was able to breath deeply. Every time I hold that dog I get that same response. So I bought him and keep him in my car and when I get a little unsettled I hold and stroke him and my spine cools and relaxes again. But if it helps you to hold Dory, by all means, hold her.

And you know what Lilpinkcoupe, I thought of you when I was at the shop with my toys in my fleece bag because the reason I had them with me is that they wanted to see the new ski boots for the 2014 season. I thought of you because I remembered how on another thread you had posted a great pic of your stuffies and how you had said that you carry them in your bag but sometimes some of them like to stay home. I actually enjoy giving my stuffies a life and sometimes that really relaxes me as well. But I had remembered that you had posted that and it made me feel good to remember that.

Don't stop yourself from stimming. It is a way your body regulates itself and if it doesn't, it never will be.

i agree with OliveOilMom here. Bring Dory with you, and if anyone asks what you're doing, be honest and say that stroking it helps you keep your anxiety in check.

I mean, I'm sitting in an open office right now rocking in my seat and playing with various stim toys, so I say stim away!

I tend to do this because of my anxiety... So, you're not alone.

I used to do to this out of nervousness MANY years ago......... I've since stopped. I do feel for you, OP.

I would like to thank everybody for their replies, and kind words. Your words of encouragement have spurred me to carry Dory more openly. I also enjoy hearing about other people's coping items/stim toys..it is a topic I find very interesting. I think there are a lot more of us adults who carry such items/toys/plushies than people realize...and the ones who deny they need to could probably benefit from having something (or someone) to hold, too!

I don't show Dory to everybody, but usually, everyone Dory meets ends up liking her...she's a very cute, small, simplistic stuffed dolphin. I keep her very clean, and her "fur" has a nice, soothing texture. I used to carry her around all the time when I was 11 or 12, but stopped shortly after, and became more secretive about taking her everywhere. I don't really remember why.

But yeah, Dory's good at making friends...everyone I've shown her to usually says, "Oh, she's cute!" or "Is she your favorite one?" And pretty much everyone knows I take her everywhere - my dad knows, my stepmom knows, my mom knows, my aunt knows, my therapist knows, a good quantity of people here on WP know- so I guess it is pretty silly to be secretive about it.

There was also this one time when I was going to a church with my dad and stepmom when I was about 12, and wasn't allowed to take Dory with me, and when we going inside, the preacher was standing outside the door greeting people. she shook my hand, smiled, and said, "Hello, we're glad you could come today." I looked up at her and said balefully, "Dory wanted to come, too." "Who's Dory?" the preacher asked. "She's my dolphin," I answered simply, and walked on inside. And so until my parents explained more fully, the preacher thought I owned a REAL dolphin!

Thanks again, everyone!

I agree with carrying something around as a coping skill. In fact, I carry plush germs, most of them Ebola viruses. They're real conversation starters, I'll tell you that! But seriously, they're really sweet and easy to play with in my hands. I do this at therapy appointments when I'm nervous and my therapist doesn't even mind. My grandparents even lets me "feed" my viruses at the dinner table when I see them!

I also carry a plush meerkat named Flower. She's a little worn out, but she agrees that she's well-loved. Today is her sixth anniversary.

I have other critters too, but I won't go into much detail. Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Yeah, that counts as self-harm. And it sounds like it hurts, too. Don't freak out--self-harm is very common. I've been through it. Many of us have.

If you can tolerate the sensory aspects, during the night put some antibacterial cream on your fingers where you've been biting them. Find the type that has petroleum jelly as a base, so that it will moisturize your skin as well. Put some light cotton gloves on over that or it'll get on the sheets. In the morning your fingers should feel a little better.

Since you've dealt with SI before, you probably know that one of the best ways to deal with it is to find out why you're doing it, and find a better way to fill that need. For you, there's anxiety and stress over the holidays.

Put Dory in your pockets, then put your hands in your pockets and hold Dory that way. Have you got a sweater or hoodie with a kangaroo pocket in the front, so that you can put both your hands in it? That would give you a double benefit: You can hold Dory, and you'll keep your hands in your pockets and one step further away from your teeth.

You might need to take your hands out of your pockets to do things or for family pictures, but you can put them back in afterwards. A lie you could tell to explain why you have your hands in your pockets is that you're cold. If they ask further, admit that it's because you've been biting your nails. They will assume that you are ashamed of the way your fingers look. (Ain't I the devious little deceiver?) Or you could tell them the truth, but that could take a while and some mental effort. Or you could say, "Because I want to." Which is as good an explanation as any, if you don't want to lie or tell them everything.

Oh, and if they ask about Dory, say, "This is Dory. Isn't she cute? I got her at--" and then tell how you got the dolphin, like maybe someone gave her to you, or you got her on a special trip, or whatever. Or maybe you just love dolphins. If you act confident about your stuffed animal, people will probably be okay with it--and if they aren't, you can just tell them you like dolphins and you don't care what they think.

I am having this problem too, sigh. I do own a tangle toy but I broke it :/ Won't slot back together again. Buying a new one though. I forget to use it sometimes though.