Asperger's?

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Please note that reading the following is optional, and I'm not liable for any ill effect it might have on your mood or sanity.
The way I phrase myself might be somewhat obstreperous, so please bear with me.
In order to be accurate it's also exceptionally lengthy.

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I have quite the trouble drawing my own conclusion as my opinion can't be trusted due to the fact that I'm subjective and also have a predetermined agenda.
For this very reason I thought drawing on the experience of numerous people who have some knowledge into my area of quandary would be an idea. Hence, I present to you my highly entertaining life-story, in staccato form:

-Allegedly I was very quiet and calm as a toddler.
-I have extensive memories from age 3-4 and learnt to read at the age of five- not much of a feat I agree, if it wasn't for the fact that no one had taught me.
-I was extremely sensitive both emotionally and sensory-wise, had lots of anxieties/OCD and I was simultaneously both "hyperactive" and pensive/reserved.
-I behaved rather peculiarly as I communicated more "with myself" than I directed any communication outwards.
-I have always seen my life from the "outside" as if it was a television show, and I was a spectator. I don't know if that has any relevance.
-I liked spending time by myself and when I got a new friend I felt they were clingy and suffocating, and I hated it when any friendship developed into a group of friends.
-Also had trouble understanding social norms and the impact of my words and actions on others (when people said "hi" I said "bye" etc. they were after all just passing by).
-I handled alien situations very badly and hated the unexpected and unfamiliar, causing complete meltdowns. Just a change of classrooms or a "pleasant" surprise caused me to disintegrate completely.
-I would also become abnormally attached to things and places (and animals). On the other hand I've never really been attached to any person, if people said they had missed me I had no idea what they were talking about.
-When I was exposed to a major life-change (continental move) I broke down completely and just couldn't adjust to the situation or "be" anymore, so I withdrew from the world and practically became a selective mutist for three years, got severe social anxiety and to this very day over ten years later still haven't recovered or adjusted to the move (I aspire to become a bum).

Other things of relevance:
Apparently I stim a lot. I don't see the point of shallow communication or relationships, can't handle groups and don't know what to say most of the time, especially when people speak of practical matters. I also tend to say stupid and inconsiderate things unintentionally that I only realize in retrospect. I lack "theory of mind" I deem.

Also, I'm:
Very much emphatic.
Very sarcastic.
Practically devoid of any feelings of anger.
Was terrible in gym class yet I started mocking my own performance which indicates self-irony.
I'm very considerate of peoples needs.
I have some trouble reading peoples intentions and understanding social interactions and norms but I can still read body-language very well and I have a high intuition.
I have a lively imagination.
I Have a fair range of interests even if I do have a leaning towards obsessions (astronomy, languages, RPG's, sci-fi).

Now, I feel asperger's would explain a lot of this, yet I'm not really sure it fits, mainly because of the latter points.
I've also been considering schizoid P.D. which seems somewhat more unlikely. NLD, as far as it distinguishes itself from autism/asperger's, is a likely culprit as well. I'm only diagnosed with essential tremor.

What do you think ails me?
If you would like any clarification on anything then don't hesitate to ask.

((Coincidentally I met someone with asperger's once who was about the same age as me. He was only visiting and he participated in our class one day. He was very funny and I could very much relate to him.
There is one crucial point where we differed though. He acted in almost complete oblivion of the people around him and disrupted the entire class to a great extent. He seemed utterly oblivious of his surroundings.
If I had been in his situation as a visitor I would be disruptive as well but in a totally different manner. I would have felt extremely suffocated by all the new people, and would have broken down completely, probably until I was removed from class. I was extremely sensitive to my surroundings.
I'd say that's quite the difference.))

It could very well be, as you have mentioned several symptoms of AS. You have to realize, however, that none of us are going to be able to diagnose you. If that is something that you seek, you should seek a qualified professional diagnosis, someone who specializes in ASDs.

If you were diagnosed with AS, how would that affect your life?

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

If I were diagnosed with asperger's it would explain a lot of my past, would help consolidate my identity as I'm very at odds with who I am and it could get me some assistance socially and academically as I struggle severely in both areas.

"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?"


Why? Did I say something inappropriate? I'm 23.

The dark gift manifests itself differently in all of us. If it helps, we can pretty much confirm what you already know: You seem to have some of the traits. For more, seek ye a professional to determine thy fate (or should that be 'thine fate'?).

Oh, and don't forget to have about 1,000 bucks handy. Spendy stuff, this Dx business

Well, you asked for clarification on anything, and that was something that I thought to ask. If you were much younger, I would say it would make a big difference in how I were to approach the subject.

There are several somewhat accurate online quizzes you can take. ViperaAspis is right in that there is no one trait that screams out Asperger's than others, though some sort of social problem is always there. Many of us, for instance, never spoke in a monotone voice. Some of us aren't as prone to depression as others. In many of us fully-grown folks the symptoms used to be much worse as a kid and now they are almost non-existent.

Generally speaking, we don't want to be solitary people but often end up being that way against our efforts to be social. Some of us have been better at adapting / coping than others.

If learning about AS helps you to discover some of the whys behind who you are, then that is fantastic. We are here to share experiences regardless of whether we have been officially diagnosed. Ultimately a label shouldn't matter; you are who you are, and that's okay. AS is not an ailment, however. It's a condition and a challenge. If you really feel it's an ailment, then it's not a bad idea to seek a professional diagnosis if that can help you cope with the world.

If you were to get a professional diagnosis, keep in mind that it is still essentially an opinion (a professional opinion, which counts for a lot, but an opinion nonetheless). There is no repeatable, quantifiable test that will tell you if you have AS.

And welcome. May your stay fill you with insight.

At the age of 23, the formal diagnosis is probably not worth the trouble.
Do you have any specific needs? (Drugs, therapy...)
Would there be some practical benefit?

Thank you for your replies.

"Do you have any specific needs? (Drugs, therapy...)
Would there be some practical benefit?"

Well, I'm very much isolated and I think I have some fairly severe identity issues.
If I don't want to remain a hermit and possibly make some use of my life I will probably have to address the issue.

I will likely see a therapist in a few months time. The question is whether a common therapist can accurately diagnose asperger's and if it's even necessary to get it diagnosed for optimal treatment. I will probably be treated for social anxiety and possibly emotional deprivation if that's pertinent in my situation.

In the meantime, why don't you stay a while. I like your writing style and you might find someone to help (or have a good argument with ). Also, you can see if you fit in amongst this great group of people.

At any age Dx is important, more so as a child. Identification of strengths, weaknesses in learning and early behavioural interventions.

One thing I've noticed with Aspergers people is their obsessiveness with knowing the why in life. Adult Dx will assist you in targeting specific behaviours and deficiencies that accompany Aspergers with CBT. Make sure you seek out a psychologist who specialises in Aspergers. (Just my opinion, but avoid Psychiatrists, meds should be a last option and that is all they usually recommend)

You will not be satisfied internally until you obtain clarification as to your psychiatric status, whether you are AS or other. PAY THE DOLLARS FOR AN ASSESSMENT!!

Thanks again. I'll take your advise into consideration.

viperaAspis; I'm glad that you don't think I'm a complete dotard, yet when I say I have severe social anxiety I mean I'm too scared to even expose myself to the judgment and wrath of the inhabitants of the internet. Just writing this post has been a complete drain on my psyche. I will most likely lurk in the shadows for now and possibly resurface once in a while as I see fit.

Well, ...that's unfortunate; you express yourself quite cogently.

Surface again when you can