how to say goodbye ?

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ok so im having problems with saying goodbye what happens is when its time to go i have almost closed the door behind me already and people will still keep talking to me even though i said i was going to leave, its like people will say goodbye but then keep on talking and then say the final goodbye its just so weird having them say all these things while im already walking away.

its like 5 sentences are being used that they expect others to respond to just to say goodbye.

Last edited by TB on 22 May 2009, 7:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Is this a final farewell situation? Or just after an event or something? I have been guilty of trying to prolong the inevitable. Maybe they are enjoying your company so much they don't want you to go?

no its not a final goodbye the parting ways thing wasnt a good choice for thread title XD,

people clearly say ok goodbye see you next time then i say the same and start to walk away but then they continue the conversation and will say someting that asks for a response and im thinking wth didnt we just end this conversation ?. ussually i just keep on walking and it does make me look rude.

That's a very well-known problem for me too! It's like they have to ask a row of questions before people may leave. But I, with my literal / concrete aspie mind, thought that "I'm leaving" meant exactly "I'm leaving", and nothing else; and I thought: isn't that logical that that's the meaning, then why do they continue to cross-examinate me, even on non-important topics? Isn't it evident that I can't answer that when I'm leaving?
It's quite a struggle sometimes.

I would like to write more about it when I get better time.

Might just be a misinterpretation of time and space. Your brain tells you that you're sayin' goodbye to your buddies, or whatever, you might just thought of saying it, or said it, and then lapsed into a different dimension for a second or two?
It's quite common with me.

I don't often find myself in this situation, TB, but I believe it helps if you simply continue leaving when you're on your way out, all the while smiling and/or nodding (just slightly, not huge grins), and just make sure that you say goodbye at the point you either go through the door or turn your back to be off, the 'cutting off contact' moment, so to speak. Only if it's something important they want to ask or tell you, like reminding you to do something, or an important question, do you have to turn and answer. Otherwise, a short confirmation followed by a 'bye' should do.

I have problems with goodbyes (and hellos) myself, but they are of a different nature.

I think sometimes the issue simply has to do with the other person. I'm thinking of my MIL, who is extremely sociable, to the point where she seems to just not know what to do with herself if she isn't talking. It's like this:

My husband: Okay, well, I've really got to get going now. Gotta get to the drug store before they close in ten minutes. (He has to come up with something like that, or he'll NEVER get away.)

MIL: Okay then, love. I won't keep you. I just wanted to see how everyone's doing. (Two hour phone call.) Sounds like you're all fine.

My husband: Yep.

MIL: And I'm glad the package arrived. Like I said, I couldn't decide whether to send you the blue one or the red one, so I sent both.

My husband: Yep. Thank you.

MIL: That's right. Like I said, you can always decide which one you want to keep, and it's always good to have a spare.

My husband: Yep, thanks a lot, mum. It's been great talking to you.

MIL: Oh, it's been great talking to you, too, love. And everyone's alright at your end?

My husband: Yep.

MIL: Smashing. Alright then. I just wanted to check and see that the package arrived okay, and that everyone is fit and well. And oh, did you know that they've made playgrounds illegal in Britain now because of all the pedophiles?

My husband: Gotta go, mum.

MIL: Oh, right! Well I won't keep you. Like I said, just a short phone call. Just to see that you got that package. And you did. I hope it's alright...."


AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaGGGGGGGHHHHH!!


Phew! Some people are just like that, though. You have to just say, "Bye." And walk away, or hang up the phone. Just don't be like me and say, "Geez, can you just stop talking!?" Apparently people don't like that.

Double post. I wish I could just delete it, but that doesn't seem to be an option. Sorry.

Last edited by elderwanda on 22 May 2009, 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sometimes it works to remind them when you'll talk to them again. Something like.

"I gotta go, I'll talk to you Sunday." and then run like the dickens.

That only works if you really have to go though. Sometimes explaining why you want to go and then a re assurance of talking again can work.

"Hey I'm tired, remember that point and we'll talk later."

etc.

That's a good way....kind of softens the blow, people can be very touchy about being pushed away. Trouble is, I get so scared of upsetting them that I'm rarely able to think of a good way, I'm usually just thinking "oh no, how am I going to get this sorted out without upsetting them?" I suppose other ways might be to give them a cuddle, or tell them you love them (assuming you do), which could work beautifully, though it could backfire with the wrong person.

It can be awkward for both people if you both say goodbye, part ways, and then run into each other again unexpectedly. I've always thought to myself, "Do I say anything at all? I've already parted with them, so maybe I shouldn't say anything."

^yes I find that acutely embarrassing when it happens.....ignoring them feels quite wrong, but what do I say?

These days I usually just laugh, because the situation isn't really any one's fault. That seems good enough.