Help! I don't want to go to the supermarket!

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Hi there! Today my time has come (to go to the supermarket. ) )

I live with my boyfriend and he's always doing everything for me, that's how my relationship works: he arranges the house and helps me out from drowning in my brain, I give him tons of love, make him laugh and partly help him with the house keeping.

I had agoraphobia like 2 years ago when we met, and he with all his love helped me on getting over it. Now a days I can go out and have fun (althought is not as pleasant as for NT's), but there are two things I haven't got over yet: going to stores and going to the doctor.

I feel terrible! like I wanna cry...

Doctors I can understand since most doctors are not "aspie friendly", they adopt this sinic attitude towards me and don't believe what I'm saying cause I can never explain exactly how I feel or cause I've read a little about what I think it might be to be able to explain it and they feel like their knowledge or experience it's been questioned.

But to the supermarket?! !?! I think it's because it's very comfusing to me and It usually takes me a big mental effort and a lot of stress just to buy some bread eggs and cheese.

So usually my boyfriend asks me to go, but I do my best to avoid it and it works so finally my boyfriend is the one going or he joins me.

Today he said that I have to go cause I promessed him and since he's always doing everything for me I have to do it. he's right but I feel so bad about it I asked him to go with me... he gave me that "you are being inmature" look. And perhaps he's right, I shouldn't feel so terrified about it... but I do...

I need a piece of advice here from people that happened to be in the same situation, something that helps me understand why and how can I get over it.

Thanks!

For now... I have to go... I will survive... (I hope :-S)

I also have agorapobia, and also hate supermarkets, but I have discovered a very simple way to stay in my comfort zone.

Music.

I always plug myself into my iPod whenever i have to go out somewhere, and it makes me feel so much more comfortable.

I hope you find some success with this yourself, and from one Agoraphobic to another, Good Luck.

I've never hated supermarket, because you really don't need to talk to anyone. You just mind your own business and do your shopping.

I have a suggestion for you, start of by going to the supermarket early in the morning when few people are there, or find a 24-hour store and go late at night. As you build tolerance you will be more comfortable even when it is crowded.

Although I must admit going to the supermarket at noon on Sunday (the most busy time) isn't much fun.

Dianitapilla,
what about doing online [supermarket] shopping instead? not sure if all supermarkets do it [and don't know if all countries do either],but sister has used it before for when she's buying alot.

Supermarkets are my favorite place to go! :]

I love making the list for my mother. And then there's all the labels to read and isles to walk! Granted, I live in a small town so our store isn't too big and it doesn't have a lot of people.

Perhaps you could go at night, when there isn't anyone there? Oh, and make list.

Pheeeew! I was saved for today! My BF, he's such a sweetheart! He came down to ask me if I had gone and he saw me he realised something was not good so I told him that I know I promessed (my every monday promess) but that I was feeling terrible about it... so he's going with me later.

I tried doing the groceries sometimes on internet but they overcharge you a lot here and my boyfriend he wants me to go, after all it's like 5 min cycling from home and it cannot be that bad (he says and he's right). Besides it wouldn't be helping solving the problem... I've promessed myself every week for the last 2 years that next week I'll go do the groceries and it won't be that scary, I have to get over it to be more independant.

I don't think it's about the people. I find it overwhelming with all the articles in the stocks and the things going on. I'll try the music, I think it would help )

Thanks a lot! other suggestions would be welcome as well

Cheers!

Diana

hey sorry to hear you find it so difficult, i'm also agoraphobic but i go to the shop everyday now, it's still quite unpleasant for me, but possible.
If it helps you could consider going to the supermarket as CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) each time you go there, you "learn" that the supermarket is ok, safe etc.

I am another one with supermarket issues. It's tough! I also recommend going very early or very late, it's so much easier when there aren't lots of people cluttering up the aisles.

Another thing that really helps me is to make a map, or chart by aisle of all the things I buy there. So I have a grocery list in Word that has 12 numbered text boxes on it, and in each text box is the number of the aisle and then a list of things I would buy in that aisle. It really eliminates the confusion, and I can skip aisles if I know I don't need anything there that week. I get overwhelmed with all the choices, and this really cuts that down, because I see right there on my page that "unsalted canned green beans" are in aisle 5.

Then I just cross my fingers that they don't rearrange the aisles! But if they do, I make a new chart, late at night of course.

That's what I was going to suggest. Music.

Things get so much easier when I just put on my head phones and blast some music that gives me energy or that makes me feel like I'm walking through a gorgeous landscape.

I think it helps because it helps block out sounds from 'outside' so that's at least one trigger erased.
Apart from that, music helps me create a world in a way, and in that way, I feel more in control of things.

Try it:)

I also always have something in my pockets to hold on to (e.g. my ipod or a lucky star, piece of paper...anything really)... and just gripping that makes me feel better as well.

When in the store, I just put my thoughts to zero and waltz (figuratively) through the store, get my things, go to the checkout and be done with it.

I hate going to the supermarket as well, but my husband hates the supermarket and will not go with me. So I have to do all the shopping by myself.

Thanks a lot for all your tips! I will keep making progress!

CheerS!

Overall, I don't mind going to the store. I'm pretty organized and have a get-in, get-out mentality. However, when several items are not where I expect them to be, when I unexpectedly meet someone and engage in a few minutes of small talk, or when I get a flashback of last fall's earthquake when I was on the canned vegetable aisle (cans came flying off the shelves), I will get derailed and have to drag myself back on task. It seems pretty funny to have to do this and I sometimes just chuckle at it, but at least I understand now why redirection is such a difficult thing for me. Also, if there are "too many" people in an aisle, I will have to wait till they leave it before I feel I can go down it. Sometimes I think a trip to the supermarket with me (commentary added) would make a good comedy youtube clip.

I don't care for supermarket shopping by myself, but I think it stems from my problems visually locating things. I could be staring the vinegar in the face, for instance, and just simply not "see" it. I find this very frustrating. It seems to take a long time for me to get the shopping done.

If I continue to go to the same supermarket, I've found that it actually gets better with time because I have remembered where everything is. Unless, of course, they completely rearrange the store! (This happened to me once, and I went late at night, and kind of grumbled to my shoes, moping about the aisles. Strangely enough, there was another guy doing the same thing as well!) I swear they should have an ISO standard for the locations of groceries in supermarkets worldwide...

I almost always head to the self-checkout line. That way, if talking to strangers makes you tense, you could conceivably walk in, buy your groceries, and walk out without ever having to talk with someone.