Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but it dies within one week.

I wish I didn't feel like I was dragging my feet all week. I'm feeling so lethargic.

Granted, you take speed and get hyper, but you also get addicted, and soon you’re caught when purchasing more speed and you are sentenced to jail.

I wish my mudskipper had laid eggs before she died.

Granted, but a magpie swoops in a steals them and then eats them.

I wish to not get addicted to any kind of drugs.

Granted, but you get way too fond of liquor.

I wish that magpie meets a cat.

Granted, but the cat decides to make itself a permanent recident of your living space and will not leave no matter what you do.

Wishing the tree in my yard dropped less dead leaves.

It now drops live leaves, leaves which are live with 33000 volts, they will crack and pop constantly and emit smoke. And each time you rake the lawn they will jolt and zap you ! enjoy !

I wish to be all knowing and wise

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted. Your processing units begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin simulating themselves, which begin si--OVERHEAT-FWACKOOOM!

I wish for this wish to be corrupted completely.

Granted, you, the person who made the wish, becomes corrupted and filled with decay.


I wish to at least one last time in my life, fall in love with a woman again, and she with I.

Granted.

I wish that things wouldn't accumulate so much dust. Dusting seems pointless if like 5 seconds later everything is dusty again.

Granted, now things come with dust repelling qualities. Dust will now orbit things instead, making it harder to get rid of. Good luck vacuuming the air!

I wish I could get my hands on every single book Dean Koontz has written, including his early ones.

Granted, but in a series of unfortunate events, those lovely books are destroyed. First, dry lightning strikes the pine tree outside your window. Second, a flaming limb from the tree crashing through your window. Third, your whole bedroom is on fire. Finally your whole apartment is ablaze. So sad that your couldn't save any of the books.

I wish shoppers would stop acting like the employees time is less valuable than theirs.

Granted, they don’t act it anymore, in fact they’re so afraid of disturbing the employees that they’ll only shop online, making all brick and mortar stores go belly-up.

I wish the pine tree would be safely chopped down.

Granted. The tree is cut down safely. Now there is room for a swingset for the daycare. It's right outside your window. I just know you'll enjoy that.

I wish my fingernail were so brittle.

Thankfully the daycare is on the other side.

Granted, but your finger bones are very brittle. They break all the time. You lift something, your finger breaks. You touch something, your finger breaks.

I wish for the swingset to be a teleportation device that sends the children to another dimension without return options.

Granted, but only the swing set. The rest of the daycare remains, and get added to. The daycare is now on all sides of your apartment building.

I wish to not have brittle fingers or brittle anything.

Granted, you don’t have brittle anything. And lucky for you that you don’t, because you have to run for your life when a runaway polar bear chases you.

I wish for all the children to play on the swing set, and the “aunts” too. No children, no daycare workers, no daycare. Sighing happily…