PRIZE MACHINE

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You need to complete a credit account application which will take 48 seconds to process, please accept this Parker pen while you wait.

*inserts ficticious salary*

Congratulations, you have won a holiday, all you need to do is attend a half day high pressure sales talk trying to get you to buy a time share flat.

*inserts salesman*

You win some double-glazed windows which come with free granite effect uPVC window surrounds.

*inserts quarter*

You receive a letter saying that a long lost relative has died in a plane crash in Nigeria and has left you millions.

*inserts quarter*

You receive a letter saying that a long lost relative has died in a tractor crash in Peoria and has left you deep in debt.

*inserts a half-dollar*

You get a note requesting the other half of the dollar.

*inserts peanut butter sandwich*

You get a glass of milk.

*inserts a cookie*

Cookie Monster pops out and demands more cookies.

*inserts maxed out credit card*

The machine informs you, in a disapproving tone of voice -- over the mall-wide loudspeaker -- that your credit card has been declined.

*inserts 25 cents CASH MONEY*

The machine says "One at a time please on the scales!"

*inserts weight-watchers coupon*

You receive a thick, juicy steak, and a copy of The Atkins Diet Revolution.

*inserts a fork*

You receive a knife!

*inserts bandage*

You have received box of Dora the Explorer bandages.

*inserts quarter*

You receive a turnip.

*inserts quarter*

You receive sunshine, seedlings, bucket of water and a spade.

*inserts a straw-man*

You receive the worlds first bicycle made of straw.

*inserts a bale of hay*