Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It falls out of a plane and lands on your head, getting skully-brainy-bits everywhere.

I wish I could play the Sims and surf the internets at the same time...

Granted. Unfortunately, you do the two at different spaces.

I wish for a lead pipe held properly in my hand(s).

Your lead pipe is three inches long.
(inb4 TWSS)

I wish for lols.

Granted. They are directed (dative) you, not (ablative) you.

I wish for trolls.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaqC5FnvAEc[/youtube]


I wish politicians would stop being such 'tards.

Granted. They are now D rats.

I wish for cellophane tape.

The cellophane tape is used to hold you to a chair while Rebecca Black and Justin Beiber songs play on an endless loop.

I wish my Xbox worked.

Granted. It is now retired.

I wish for a Rubik's tesseract.

Granted. The universe implodes.

I wish my cat wasn't so stupid. I mean, even for a cat, he's challenged...

Granted. As it turns out, the cat has been faking stupidity for a long time to hide the fact that he is constructing a self-replicating mind-control machine.

I wish for the universe and everything in it to be obliterated completely.

In a mess of screaming fiery doom, the universe collapses in on itself, and from the wreckage springs a new one, identical to this.

I wish I hadn't slept through dinner.

Granted. You feeeeellllllll ssssslllllllllleeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyy.

I wish you would wake up already!

I wish I knew what to wish for...

Granted. We are back at the figurative Square 1 when you still knew for what to wish.

I wish for a handheld Turing-complete machine.

You drop it and it breaks.

I wish I wasn't so sleepy all the time...

Granted. You lose the ability to sleep.