The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Tell your lover about the people you have crushes on, then explain why it might not work with the other person.

Never tie your shoes, it's a waste of time. Also make sure to run everywhere and carry a minimum of two pairs of scissors at all times.

Don't forget to carry a gun if you have to fly to the USA as it is in their constitution.

Remember if you're about to do some grocery shopping, pants are optional.

And if your sensei teaches you a forbidden technique, absolutely definitely use it.

If you see an ostrich, give it a toilet roll.

Earn big money by displaying a "How's my driving?" sign in your car along with a scam phoneline earning you £5 a call.

Then simply drive around town like an a**hole

If you are a smoker and a non-smoker visits your home, ask them to stand outside in the cold when you have a fag.

Eat a whole box of plastic spoons.

Teach your kids how the government works by stealing all their sweets and telling them to piss off

Take a 10 foot surfboard on the city bus.

Brush teeth, don't floss, and get toothache and gingivitis later.
Don't shower. Wear the same exact clothes everyday without washing them.
Stay glued on the computer until body is completely exhausted, then crash onto bed without any physical hygiene.
Say bad stuff about others behind their backs to second others.
Eat healthy McDonald's everyday.
Watch porn several hours a day.
Feel lonely for long periods and wrack hyper-inflammation on one's body.
Never update computer software and OS.
Don't use a calendar to schedule daily events. Juggle all the events in one's mind throughout one's day. Don't blame me if you trip. That's your own problem.

try to play the blues on an oboe

When running low on gas just put a bit of sugar in your tank.

Gas tanks aren't really all that different from small children; a little sugar keeps them going a bit longer.

To clear a blocked nose, try using methalated spirits and pipe cleaners.... (Seriously. Don't do this!)

pour gasoline on a hot charcoal grill

Those nosebleed you keep having are normal. It's just you getting old.