Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but there is a thunderstorm.

I wish to experience true sanity, so as to have a basis for comparison with my own mental state.

Granted. tHIs iS whAT it LOokS LiKE.

I wish for a massive un-blockable and indestructable and automatically calibrated Fresnel lens focused on a small circle of radius 5mm on an un-meltable platform always parallel to the lens and normal to the sun.

Granted, but the sun dies out.

I wish for the square root of -1 to be a real number.

Granted. As justified compensation, the universe collapses.

I wish 1=0..

Granted, but the Universe explodes from the imbalance of power.

I wish the place in My Little Pony was completely nuked and zombie-orc-vampire-ninjas invaded.

Granted. It survives.

I wish for a sentient computer to take over the UN.

Granted. Congratulations, you just wished Skynet into being.

I wish I had a pizza.

Granted. There's anchovies on it. Raw, live anchovies.

I wish I could stop procrastinating.

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My nephew Coke needs to eat! Obviously we're related.

Granted - you will never stop doing what you know you should.

I wish I had a fast car.

Granted, it has no breaks and looks like a Nissan Micra.

I wish for world domination.

Granted, but duck because a large meteorite is heading here fast.

I wish for a quiet place where I can read and watch the news.

Granted, but you will lose your eyesight.

I wish to get the last number in pi.

Granted. It is "1". In the movie Pi, the last number is "1" Link

I wish birds were quieter.

Granted. They quietly dive-bomb you as you're taking a walk.

I wish that my grades will go up before the end of the school year.

Granted. The extra scores are extracted from the AP scores.

I wish I would have a triangular room with three right angles.

Granted, you now have a room shaped like a right triangle with a cell containing two members of the "angle" family, shouting about how you have no right to keep them there, a point on which they are, strictly speaking, entirely correct.

I wish I had a place where everybody knew my name.