Corrupt A Wish

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Granted but it's so terrible that you tear out your brains.
I wish I could write in these forums more often

Granted. All the posts are yours as others have no time to respond before you write in somrthing else.

I wish to sleep upside down.

Granted all of your blood goes to brain and cause massive swelling while you sleep.
I wish I could write a novel.

Granted. It has 1000,070,000,050,000,001, chapters so you end up stuck in your office writing it and never see the light of day again.

I wish I had more Dubonnet in the cupboard.

Granted, but your cupboard has a new unbreakable lock on it, and you can't find the key.

I wish I wasn't tired

Granted but you can never sleep again.
I wish I could play a board game with some one.

Granted. But it has to be Dungeons and Dragons. And the GM is a 10yo NT.

I wish everybody could read each other's thoughts.

Granted, but everyone gets mad at each other and a lot of fights break out since no one can think of good thoughts about anyone.

I wish I had the power to go back in time and prevent John Wilkes Booth from shooting Lincoln in the head.

Granted, instead he has to concoct a much more elaborate plan and burn down the entire theatre to kill Lincoln. This works, and it also kills everyone else inside - including Lieutenant-general Grant. Also, the plan to kill Andrew Johnson is successful since the massive fire gives his assassin the nerve to carry out the attack. Worse, the fire spreads uncontrollably beyond the theatre, and given the limits of firefighting of the time, most of Washington burns to the ground. The conspirators of the attack all escape in the chaos and go to revive the Confederate army. With the president, vice-president, commander of the Union army, and countless others dead - and most of the capital reduced to ashes - the Confederate supporters gain a second burst of confidence, and restart the Civil War. With the Union in disarray due to the Washington disaster, the Confederates quickly overwhelm the Union and win the Civil War.


I wish I could go back and undo PHISHA51's wish

Granted, but a fight breaks between the two of you. You end up killing PHISHA51, and somehow causes you to be involved in the conspiracy to kill Lincoln. Which ultimately the people hang you for your alleged and non-alleged crimes. Good job on saving the Space-Time Continuum though.
I wish I could go to Minecraftia.

Granted. The location is in a gold mine. It is in the gold mine that you are trapped and are cut off from the outside world. You tried to think of a crafty plan to get out, but the problem is that you have limited resources and you're only plan is to sit and wait for help which might not come for awhile.


I wish to start a revolution.

Granted, you start playing vinyl records (that revolve).

I wish to eclipse the sun whenever i am driving.

Worldwide panic and tidal disarray occurs due to your request.

I wish Netflix wasn't being stepped on by bigger companies.

Granted, Netflix becomes one of the big companies, and joins them in stepping on all the smaller companies.

I wish for more time in the day

Granted. The world stops turning, so there's just one long day on one side and one long night on the other. Life perishes.

I wish flies weren't getting into our house.

Granted. All the flies in the world are now inside your house. Since they're all already in there, their ability to get in has been eliminated. (Triple there/their/they're combo!!)

I wish there was a prize for making a triple there combo.