Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It makes you look ugly by comparison – and your butt looks big, too.

I wish to meet a friendly alien today.

Granted. The little alien becomes so friendly he follows you everywhere. He texts you every ten minutes. He phones you every five minutes, declaring his undying love for you. You finally have a nervous breakdown over it. He has a nervous breakdown too and you end up sharing the same room in the "nervous hospital" to recuperate.

I wish I had a professional live in chef.

Granted. He eats all your food after cooking it.

I wish horses had feathers so i could get down from a horse.

Granted, all horses now have feathers in their eyes, which cause them intense irritation. The resulting bucking motion drops you squarely on the ground every time; making it very easy to disembark a horse at a moment's notice.

I wish I had a sandwich.

Granted. Anything for you Theta! I just posted a tuna fish salad sandwich, first class US mail to: ThetaIin3D Seattle, WA. USA, I had to squish it a little so it would fit in the envelope, but you should get it by Saturday! Enjoy!!

I wish I could charm and control people with my thoughts.

You mean you can't already? Everyone else has been doing that for months now.

Granted, but you find that once you get influence over their brains, they give up all control and so you have to control their every behavior and movement manually.

This proves to be more difficult than anticipated, and you minions are frequently seen doing things like running face-first into corners that you meant for them to walk around, falling down stairs, and pouring hot coffee from their mugs onto their shoulders. Eventually the angry villagers become wise to your nefarious scheme, and show up at your front drawbridge with torches and pitchforks.

I wish I had a Wombat. Wombats are awesome!

Wish granted, but if you feed your wombat past midnight it will devour your soul, and it will be possessive over you and vicious towards anyone who comes near.

I wish I had a pony

Granted. It is very sick and will need a lot of veterinary care. Say hello to high medical bills.

I wish the Cookie Monster wasn't forced to like vegetables.

Granted, but even though he doesn't have to eat veggies, he cannot eat cookies anymore due to his sudden diagnosis of EOE and his throat cells are allergic to the ingredients in cookies, so bye bye cookies!

I wish I had 500k

Granted. Since you didn't specify a unit, I can only assume you wanted 500,000 rotten onions.

I wish.

Granted, but since you did not specify a wish, everyone's corrupted wish from this entire topic happens to you within one week!

I wish I knew how to fly on a trapeze.

Granted, however it's only after you take off that you discover that the FAA will not allow a trapeze to land at any airport. You are forced to crash-land in a field. Firetrucks are dispatched and a triage of the wounded begins.

I wish I didn't have to get up so early this morning.

Granted. You are forced to stay up all night into the morning whenever you have to wake up early.

I wish I wished something with my last wish.

You didn't specify, so it cannot be granted.

I wish I was friends with Sonic the Hedgehog.

Granted. You now exist as a purely fictional entity, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

I wish I didn't have to go to class right now.

Granted. Classes are cancelled with a terrorist attack at the school and all students are being held hostage.

I wish all other traffic was eliminated when i am driving.