Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but when you return, your ship crash lands and you awaken amongst the ruins of human civilization, in a world now ruled by apes. They capture you and want to perform various tests on you and exhibit you to the general ape-public.

The only way you can cope with these experiences, oddly enough, is by singing about them:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHMQb4oIB_s[/youtube]

I wish I was captain of the Enterprise-A.
("I love every ship I see, from 1701-A to 1701-Z...")

Granted. The ship malfunctions and crashes.

I wish to find the highest possible prime number

Wish granted. Since the number is well over one hundred billion digits long, it takes the rest of your life just to write it down.

I wish a friendly space alien would make first contact with me.

Granted. The space alien is so friendly that you never have a moment's peace. You never have any privacy even in the bathroom as he's so interested in everything and just wants to ask questions about you all the time as part of a research project for his home planet.

I wish there could be two versions of me so I could get more done and have double the time to do them.

Wish granted. But just like when Captain Kirk was split in two, the other you is evil and commits crimes for which you take the blame. Instead of being more productive, you end up in jail, while your double flees the country.

I wish I could transfer my mind back and forth between various bodies. Like changing socks.

Granted, but the powers that be misread your request, and you spend the rest of your life transferring your consciousness between sock-puppets.

I wish I had a pet wombat. Did I do that one already?

I think you have.. and im no genie. this is a test trial or a hoax, right>?
ok, me try,
By the light of zeus I will be programmed to receive a lightning bolt of gesture at about noon tomorrow.

Uh . . . Granted. Zap!

I wish I could focus on paperwork a little more.

Granted. You now have a permanent special interest in completing paperwork in general, regardless of whose it is.

I wish that today was Friday.

Ouch! I'm pretty sure doing that to someone is against the Geneva convention or the Bill of Rights, one of the two.

Your wish is granted. It is now Friday... the 13th. And all that this implies.

I wish I owned a working copy of The Machine from Contact.

Granted. You did own a working copy for about 10 minutes but it malfunctioned, stranding you on a far-off gaseous planet where the air is impossible to breathe.


I wish I could safely walk up and down steep cliffs and mountain faces, so I can enjoy the stunning views.

Granted. Unfortunately, the views stun you so badly you just hang there till vultures feast on you.

I wish these forums wouldn’t suppress spaces at the beginning of a line.

Granted.However,spacesarenowsuppressedeverywhereelse.

Iwishpostswouldbecomereadableonceagain.

Granted, but only if you can read ancient languages not translated into English.

I wish there was one language understood by all.

Granted, there already is: Music! But for the sake of corrupting your wish, all music is now either Polka or Dubstep, whichever you find less appealing.

Since I don't know if I'll get through it all, I wish I could successfully finish everything I have on my plate today.

Granted! Today you have a tiny plate from a dolls' house set, so finish up your meal in no time at all.

I wish I could become invisible so I could go back in time and witness historical events safely so as to write about them authentically.