Corrupt A Wish

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granted- but he steals everything of value

i wish i could have an underground house

Granted, but you live in a flood plane, and the architect put in windows don't close tightly or securely. What were they thinking?

I wish every Friday smelled like the air just after a spring rain, the same rain that flooded your underground house.

Granted, but after ten minutes of sniffing that delicious fragrance your Hay Fever starts up, and your nose is plugged for a week.

I wish my hair was thicker.


Sylkat

Granted, but it starts scratching your neck at night and your head is very warm during the day, causing great discomfort!

I wish I had an exploding blueberry!

Granted, but it's actually Violet Beauregard, and her parents walk in just as she explodes. After the mother screams non-stop for two hours, and the father paces angrily around waving his finger at you, they accuse you of blowing up their precious blueberry, I mean Violet, and the judge just shakes his head. Mister Wonka could not be bothered to leave the factor to testify on your behalf. You're going away for a long time for this one.

I wish I had a Violet Beauregard pie! No. I wish I had an Apple Pie.

Granted, but the baker insisted that although he bakes the world's most delicious and tantalizing apple pie, you must eat it as part of a pie eating contest. The others in the contest are ferrets. You must eat the pie with both hands behind your back (not tied), and blindfolded. Although the pie is delicious, since you all are sharing one gigantic pie, it's hardly a relaxing experience. The ferrets are messy eaters, and also, keep trying to steal the socks you are wearing.

I wish I knew how to paint.

Wish granted.

However:
You may only paint the Roman Colosseum, you may only use the color Aubergine, and you may only use a mascara brush.

I wish that I had a new fence.


Sylkat

Granted, but it is an electrical fence, and you have a moat!

I wish there was no such thing as GMO or pollution.

Granted. However, all the earth's oxygen has been depleted with the pollution, so you can't appreciate the lack of GMO.

I wish I had a coffee machine.

Granted, but in this case the coffee machine is an advance robot based on a coffee bean. It's only function is to pinch you in the morning to give you that morning jolt.

I wish I had a bowl of vanilla ice cream. Mmmmm. Yummy.

Here is your ice cream.....

Oops, sorry, the bowl appears to be empty, rather looks like someone ate it!

I want a lovely aquarium!


Sylkat

Granted, you now have an Aquarium of Lovelies, or in other words a 100,000 gallon aquarium full of young damsels wearing scuba gear. Maintenance of the tank is horrible however, as every so often one of them gets a terminal case of Raisin Fingers and has to be fished out with a large net.

I wish I had a giant magical tome of all the funny stuff you guys say in this thread ... a Corruptonomicon, if you will.

Granted! Alas the tome is so magical, the letters fly around the page, and when it is stood on its end, the S's slither out, and the J's fishhooks the A's so they get tangled up. The W's wriggle around and fall off the edges. The O's roll out, bounce of the bookcase shelf and onto the ground. It's crazy magical mess!

I wish I had a wish for a wish that would grant me anything I wanted to wish for, but also earn me a dollar and mow my lawn.

Granted, but that sort of wishing involves Genies, or Djinn, long ago in Arabia. You are immediately transported to the appropriate time and place, and your 'lawn' consists of sand.

Lots and lots and lots of sand.

I rather wish for a flying carpet.


Syllat

Granted! What fun! Zoom zoom zoom, but why oh why did the carpet have to come from the Dollar Store? Now in mid flight over the Atlantic Ocean, the wind starts to play it's toll on the carpet threads, and the weave disappears beneath your hiney. Soon you feel the soothing rush of air as you drop from the sky. Perhaps if you keep your hands outstretched, and fingers pointed down, you can hit the water in such a way that you'll merely slice through the ocean surface, arc gracefully under the water, and rise to the surface unharmed. You are in my prayers.

I wish my toe nails never needed trimming.

Granted....you are now an extremely large walrus.

No feet, no toenails to trim!

I wish that I had a Geodesic Dome.

Sylkat