Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You get the plague instead.

I wish my breakfast would cook itself.

Granted, your breakfast can cook itself. But due its new found powers your breakfast now kicks you out of your house and claims it for itself.

I wish there was a cure for the common cold.

There is. It involves chilli, lemongrass, a cupful of rhinoceros beetles and a food processor.
And some honey to taste.

I wish I had a collection of Swarovski crystal birds.

Granted. You have a flock of Swarovski crystal birds, in gorgeous jewel tone colors, sparkling as the sun streams through your windows.

Unfortunately this new breed of Swarovski animals have anatomical functions. They leave little crystal droppings as they fly around your home, until you are swimming in crystal drops up to your ceiling.

I wish I had a winning Lotto ticket.

Lucky you.

You win a penny.

I wish for a Swarovski Dragon.

Litter-box trained.


Sylkat

Granted. But it likes to raid your underwear drawer to fill up its litter box.

I wish I could get any book I want for free and in new condition.

Granted.

As long as the book you want is 'Dianetics',you got your wish.

I want a 'Tiny House'.


Sylkat

Granted. Now how are you going to get into it to live in it? It's not like you can go back to your old house, you sold it.

I wish for the chance to go abroad this summer.

Congratulations! You have an all expense paid ticket to Cairo, Egypt.

Unfortunately the accommodations are on a fishing vessel. You have to sleep on deck amid the fish bins. Just as you get used to that smell you find you are getting sea sick. What's worse the only food available is clam chowder, which you cannot stand. And it's cooked by a guy with less than stellar hygiene habits, including often sneezing into the cooking pot.

You finally land, and find your hotel is a hostel, and it has bed bugs everywhere. You charter a spot on a tourist bus, but it gets stuck in traffic during the latest wave of street riots. Luckily for you, a policeman is aboard the bus and keeps you all safe.

It isn't all bad...on the way home you get a spot on a nice tourist vessel due to someone deciding to stay and blog about the Egyptian riots. They give you their spot on the boat going back. Despite some choppy waves and more sea sickness, you have a clean, cozy bed in a private boat cabin. You finally reach shore. You have never been so glad to be home, but, your pets are miffed you were away. It's OK once you buy them enough treats.

I wish I had a pet.

Granted. Your flea loves you very much.

I wish I had a talented chef cook a tasty dinner for us tonight.

Granted.

But.

The chef is Gordon Ramsey.

And he throws a fit about the lighting in your kitchen and throws the lovely dinner out the window in a typical tantrum.


I wish for a yurt.


Sylkat

It's so nice of you to wish on behalf of this yurt -



The yurt wishes for a constantly stocked internal oven, which keeps it toasty and warm for the rest of its life.
Unfortunately it lives in the Antarctic, which is much too far for you to travel.


I wish that my fish didn't despise the "fish treat" food that the local pet shop sells, because it would be nice to treat them once in a while.

Granted. Your fish grow a taste for 'people food.' One has a favorite of mashed potato with gravy. One loves vegetarian lasagna, and another loves chocolate cake with caramel sauce drizzled on top (the whipped cream is optional.)

Unfortunately, it makes their tank quite messy and you haven't yet figured out how to get them seated comfortably at your dinner table. So, you spend your nights working on tiny water-bearing breathing apparatus for your fish. Part of the difficulty is getting them to wear them. Since they haven't had a treat in so long, the fish can be quite moody and difficult.

I wish for a giant mansion in perfect working order, all taxes paid for 100 years, given to me free of charge, on a gorgeous parcel of land, with no complications attached to it.

Tah Daaahh!! !! You have everything you asked for.
But it is ugly, a real eyesore, and no one else will step foot into it, so you spend your days cleaning it until you die alone.
That's not complicated, now, is it?

I wish I had a nice cup of tea and a baked custard tart, both of which are delicious.

Having purchased both items through Amazon, you wait for delivery...
Unfortunately by the time they go through the mail system in the Summer heat, they have both started to grow a considerable quantity of hair and are no longer as delicious as they were when you purchased them.


I wish that Citronella smelled like Bergamot.
It makes a great insecticide, but smells like dodgy lemons :-p

Granted, but the chemical process required to change its smell makes citronella oil unaffordable. But at least it smells nice.

I wish I lived On the Ning Nang Nong.