Corrupt A Wish

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There is your pizza.

Under that tree in the dark hollow.

Pay no attention to that extremely large spider on the branch above your table.

Neither she nor her hundred hungry babies require your attention.

I wish I had a backyard pond that attracted Dragonflies.


Sylkat

Granted. They come from miles around to enjoy the millions of mosquito larvae in your pond. They never run out because mummy and daddy mosquitoes always have energy t make more babies by feeding off you.

I wish I owned Van Gogh's 'Starry Night'.

Because I kept getting thrown out of that unreasonably strict museum each time I tried to obtain that painting for you, I bought you a nice t-shirt with the picture printed on it.


I do hope that you can wear a toddler size.

I wish that I had a Gargoyle.


Sylkat

Granted. But do you realise how expensive they are to feed? They need a large (although size depends on the individual Gargoyle) bag of premium quality gravel every day, and remember, a Gargoyle is for life, not just for Christmas!

I wish I could learn to speak German perfectly before the exam.

Granted, you speak German perfectly before the exam, but once the exam starts you forget it all.

I wish I could speak French.

And as usual, I remember everything as I come out of the exam.

Your wish is granted. You can speak French. Old French. Which is very different from modern French.

I wish the government wasn't so stupid.

Granted, in a way...

The government is not really stupid, they just do not want you to know that they know what they are doing.


I wish that the Bat Creek Skeletons had been photographed when excavated, and that wherever they are (supposedly lost), that they will be 'found' or revealed in my lifetime, and the truth known.


Sylkat

How very interesting. Your wish is granted. Secret documents reveal that the skeletons were photographed and removed from the site prior to its destruction. You become involved in a quest to find their current location. However, in the process you are killed by a secret organisation dedicated to keeping the skeletons hidden from the public at all costs.

The truth about the skeletons is eventually known, but the secret organisation paints you (and your forebears) as the ones who actively hid all knowledge of them. You are remembered throughout the ages as a cultural obstructionist.

....

I wish that indigenous cultures around the world regained cultural and socioeconomic equity with the rest of the people in their respective post-colonial nations.

How I wish that I had the power to grant that wish, and to make it retroactive for hundreds of years, so that humanity could have saved so many irreplaceable artifacts and buildings and writings of ancient knowledge!! !

Sylkat.

How I wish that I had the power to grant that wish, and to make it retroactive for hundreds of years, so that humanity could have saved so many irreplaceable artifacts and buildings and writings of ancient knowledge!! !

Sylkat.

GRANTED WHOLEHEARTEDLY!!
But you fall in love with a beautiful, sexy aboriginal movie star and spend the rest of your days pining away for their favours, which you never receive because they have the whole world at their feet and you are just a fly speck on the horizon to them.

I wish I was a beautiful sexy movie star with the whole world at my feet.

Granted. With the whole world at your feet, you now have to walk across the entire planet.

I wish secondhand smoke would automatically drift away from me.

Wish granted, because you have become a puff of incense smoke, and Secondhand Cigarette Smoke does not want to be anywhere near smoke that actually smells GOOD!

Cannot stand the competition!

I wish that I could walk around, carrying a burning incense stick!


Sylkat

Granted, but it burns at 5,000 degrees and you cannot put it down.

I wish I could go home right now, but I can't for another 2 minutes. First world problems.

2 minutes, huh?

Sure, okay ...

To save you the 120-second delay, a car comes to take you home and you are ordered to go in immediately ... at gunpoint. There you are met by FBI agents who are investigating an alleged exotic animal trafficking ring, linked to the illegal production of dodgy breakfast cereals. And they think you're somehow involved in this threat to first-world public health and animal safety.



I wish I were more creative.

The Fairy Of Modern Art grants your wish.

You now impulsively start a project to recreate the Roman Colosseum out of sculpted shed snake skins.

I wish I had an Irish Castle.

Complete with Banshee.


Sylkat