Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, they'll never change it again. It'll stay spicy and salty and with milk skin forever more.


I wish there were no salmonella, listeria or e-coli in food

Granted! Now all the water supply becomes so contaminated everyone dies from cholera within hours and days.

I wish I had stuff the make crepes for breakfast.

Granted, but you're too quick so the batter gets lumpy, and you burn it. Well carbon is good for fixing the the aftermath of the contaminated filling.


I wish there were no bacteria or virus or parasites in the water.

Granted! Somehow the water supply gets switched out with hydrochloric acid, but there aren't any bacteria, viruses, or parasites in it.

I wish I could make perfect crepes with no lumps.

Granted, you have made the perfect crepes. In all the history of crepes there has never been one so perfectly made. Just as you're about to take a bite you realize you forgot something to drink. You go back to fetch it. When you return you see that perfect crepes lying there, under a big mean-looking black widow.


I wish I had my water back! HCl be gone!

Granted! The water is back, but it's brown.

I wish to take a frying pan and kill that evil looking black widow who ruined my breakfast.

Granted, smear it all over the ex-food and get spider splat all around. You'll get quite a mess to clean up there. Or you could have... As you whack the spider, the chelicerae ejects from the arachnid, and it penetrates your skin injecting its venom. Do you have the strength to call 911?


I wish my water was clear and uncontaminated.

Granted! Your water is clear and uncontaminated, but only in your house. Everywhere else the water is still brown and dirty.

I wish you never get bitten my a poisonous spider, or come in contact with it at all.

Granted, now all spiders flee when they see you. Peace and quiet at last! If only those vuvuzelas would stop playing! Wait, those aren't vuvuzelas... that's an enormous swarm of... killer bees!

I wish all the water here was clean.

Granted.

It's so clean that you have mass immigration to your area, and end up with a population density of 10,000 per cm2.

Everyone turns into human mash potato.

I wish somebody would make me something to eat right now.

Granted. Masumi Hayashi comes all the way from Japan just to make you her famous poisonous pot of curry.


I wish there were fewer people here.

Granted. I'm off to eat the curry.

I wish spaghetti really did grow on trees.

(but you're not here crowding my precious cm2!)


Granted. But they're all moldy from the rains. Yuck!


I wish it was dinner time already

Granted. You get an unexpected visit from a relative and you can't eat in the meantime.

I wish to blow square bubbles.

Granted, but when your square bubbles pop, they sound like foghorns right in your ear....deafening.

I wish I could snap my fingers and my apartment would be clean and spotless.

Granted, but they will get stolen.
I wish that I didn't have homework.