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Carries so much static electricity he often sets fire to his tights!

Was once President of Atlantis. (but was impeached ie. thrown with rotting peaches)

Uses rotten peaches to make a marmalade - he says they're already half cooked that way!

Often staggers home after midnight "half cooked" and singing a sea shanty.

Loves to blab on and on about his sea panties...

Is the ships master and keeps everyone in line with her cat-o-nine tails.

Is the ship's cabin boy and is about to feel the sting if he don't finish swabbin' the poop deck. arg!!

Is the only ships captain I know that keeps a hundred pigs onboard - and I get the damn job of swilling the muck overboard. And do I ever get any bacon? No, never even a sniff.

maybe it's because you eat your bacon with chocolate gravy!

Enjoys the smell of Hydrogen Sulphide.

Has hydrogen sulphide bottled and uses it instead of deodorant.

Is my supplier of said bottles.

Has ordered dog's farts to be bottled as well.

Is the leading buyer of eau-de-chien as supplied by my dogs.

Bakes ovens in bread.

Dated Desmond Tutu's grand daughter.... but had to let go because when she got a bit excited she started to talk exactly like the bishop does when he gets excited. (you know go loud in a high pitch breaking voice)