Corrupt A Wish

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No trust… tsk-tsk… It worked well for Homer Simpson

Granted. Sushi it is. I hope you like Anisakis and other possible parasites in your food. What’s that small crawling part over there?

I wish for there to be just slightly warmer. I have no need or desire for 46 degrees worth of heat!

Have you ever been where it's gotten that hot? It sucks!

Granted! It is only 2 degrees warmer. That's slightly!

I wish to have safe food, free of parasites....and not moving.

Where I live gets that hot once every few years. And you're not wrong, it SUCKS!!

Your wish, however, is granted. Your food is locked in a secure safe, free from parasites. And since I've neglected to give you the safe's combination, your food won't be moving any time soon, either.

I wish for a big, bright, yellow submarine.

No, I haven’t. The warmest I’ve experienced have been about 34-35 for a very short time in summer. Fortunately it’s very rare that it gets that hot here. What’s that kind of heat even like?
Two degrees Celsius can actually make a huge difference, especially inside. 18 is too cold if you’re not active, 20 is about right, 22 is too hot.

Aww, where’s your sense of adventure? Granted, your food is parasite free and safe. It’s not moving either, but only because it’s stunned. It’s still alive. Can you stomach eating it live?

I wish time didn’t fly.

Granted, with a simple chemistry lesson:

Heat flows from a hotter object to a colder object. The human body is ~37 ºC, so when the air temperature is below that, heat tends to flow out of your body and into the air. But when the air temp is higher than 37 ºC, heat flows from the air into your body.

When the air temp is above 40 ºC you can sorta feel the heat coming into your body – which is somewhat unpleasant on an already hot day. And at 46 ºC? Nah, sorry, I'm not going outside unless I have to. Some people here go to the beach in that weather. Not me; I'm going somewhere air-conditioned, like the movies or the library (outside of work, of course).

...

Now, having read that, time doesn't seem to have gone so quickly, has it. Did you have fun reading it?

And I'm still wishing and waiting for my big, bright yellow submarine.

zzz... uhm huh? You were saying? No, I didn't fall asleep. Prove it!

Granted, but you have to enter a corny cartoon to use it, and there will be 4 singing Brits there too. If you manage to escape the crazy world of the Beatles, you'll find that bright objects are very exciting for the denizens of the deep. They might come closer than you appreciate!

I wish I wasn't so sleepy now!

(Edit: clearly I need to read other people's posts better. )

Granted. You wake up strapped to the outside of my yellow submarine (which has escaped the crazy world of the Beatles and is now under the sea). Those denizens of the deep are looking mighty eagerly at you. That should keep you awake.

I wish I lived in a pineapple under the sea.

(I wish I had seen the original!)

Granted. But you, SpongeBob and the rest of the gang are caught in a gillnet.


I wish the denizens of the deep didn't look so hungry!!

Hmm, why? Do you want to go to bed, or does a favourite show start?

Granted. It will always remain 9.30 pm there and your house is stuck in a time warp.

I wish I could have an economical, safe personal helicopter that's easy to pilot and that can travel through time warps!

Hmm, why? Do you want to go to bed, or does a favourite show start?

Granted. It will always remain 9.30 pm there and your house is stuck in a time warp.

I wish I could have an economical, safe personal helicopter that's easy to pilot and that can travel through time warps!

Granted.

You are now a character in the 'Dune' books.

However, you look quite tasty to the baby Sandworms who keep tunneling into your back yard.


I wish I had a Chinese Crested.


Sylkat

Granted, but it will be the winner of the ugliest dog contest.

I wish I could see an elephant in the wild.

Granted. You go on safari and see a herd (flock? pack?) of elephants. As they approach you snap a lot of pics of the magnificent animals. Too late do you realize that they are fleeing poachers. The good news: this time the elephants got away. The bad news: The stampede came your way. How's life in 2D?


I wish a friendly sea turtle would come say hi since I'm hanging here on the side of a sub anyway.

Granted! It says 'hi' in turtle language, but you won't be able to hear it.

I wish to never be in a situation where a stampede is heading directly towards me.

Granted. You’ll be between the herd and whatever is coming for them instead.

I wish I could swim with a sea turtle.