Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. People know what you're thinking about them - the good and the bad.

I wish I didn't have an enlarged heart.

Granted. You start to exercise and your health improves.

I wish gas prices were cut 50%.

Granted and because gas prices drop by 50%...everyone decides to go out more and there are traffic jams everywhere.

I wish that I could find some battery-operated Christmas lights.

Granted, but the lights are ugly.

I wish my car didn't die every time I stop when it's cold out.

Granted, now it’s dead, period.

I wish I could write the best horror story ever written, and have it published to become a bestseller.

Granted! Your book is a best seller, and you are a famous author. You are known worldwide, and people stop you in the streets because they recognize you. Your picture is on the back cover of your book. Say goodbye to everyone leaving you alone.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again....I really wish when people shop in a store, that they put things back where they found it and neatly. Seriously the most annoying thing ever!!

Granted... sort of... People are just too dumb to manage that it seems. The solution? Stores let people in in small numbers only and have store employees follow them around. It's extremely annoying for the customers inside and it's extremely annoying for those waiting in line outside.

I wish for my pic to not be on the back cover of my book (and believe me it wouldn't be!).

Granted! Your picture is not on the back of your book, instead it's all over the internet.

I wish I didn't care so much about what other people think of me.

Granted, but with your new indifference you’ll be pegged as aloof and standoffish, and as you will find people don’t take to that.

I wish for there to be no pics of me on the internet either.

Granted, but reporters are hounding you for an on-air interview. Anyone who sees the interview will know what you look like.

I wish to never be pegged as aloof and standoffish.

Granted, now they think you’re arrogant and snobbish.

I wish to not do any interviews (and I would never do any on-air ones anyway), and to publish my wonderful horror book under a pseudonym.

Granted.

I wish for no one to ever see me as arrogant and snobbish because I certainly would never want to be those things.

I don't think you got anything to worry about there.

Granted, now everyone sees you as the kind and sweet person you are, and they all want to befriend you, and they all trust your judgement and want your advice. Everyone you meet.

I wish for my book success to somehow make people see the plight of turtles.

Granted. People are now aware, but they don't care as much as you feel they should.

I wish I didn't have to work a full 8 hours tomorrow, and then close. I'm so sick of closing the store at night.

What else is new?

Granted, it's open all night, and guess who’s got the graveyard shift.

I wish I had a twin.

But seriously....no one closes as often as I do.

Granted, but you twin is evil and tries to kill you.

I wish I had some pretty flowers to sit on the table in my room.