What's Your Line?

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Mary Cooper: I know the answer. You're not gonna like it.
Beverly Hofstadter: Try me.
Mary Cooper: When I was pregnant with Shelly, I was driving to church. And I was praying to the Lord to give me a son smarter than his dumb-ass daddy. And I looked over and I saw a Jesus bobblehead in the Subaru next to me, nodding yes.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Mary Cooper: I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem.
Leonard: We don't say that either. I'll make you a list.
Mary Cooper: Oh, that'd be mighty white of you.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Mary Cooper: Good morning, snickerdoodle. Well that looks awful fancy, what is that?
Sheldon: It's my idea of what DNA would look like in a silicon-based life-form.
Mary Cooper: But intelligently designed by a creator, right?

"The Big Bang Theory"

Mary Cooper: Lord, Mary Cooper here, coming to you from Gomorrah, California.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Mary Cooper: Well, I would have to say when he was thirteen and he tried to build a nuclear reaction in the tool shed.
Sheldon: Ooh, this is a good one.
Mary Cooper: Now, the first thing you need to know about Shelly is, ever since he was a little boy, he was always concerned with the well-being of others. And he didn't think it was fair for people to pay for electricity, so he was gonna power the entire town for free.
Sheldon: Tell her about the uranium. Tell her about the uranium!
Mary Cooper: Oh, well! Well, this is adorable. When he arranged to get some yellow-cake from Chad, I thought he was talking about twinkies from one of his friends.
Sheldon: Yeah. But I wasn't, because I didn't have any friends.
Mary Cooper: No. It turns out this little scallywag was trying to use my Visa card to buy uranium from an African warlord in the country of Chad.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Mary Cooper: I tried to read your paper, but it was very hard for me to understand.
Sheldon: Oh, it's quite straightforward, actually. It describes a new model of the universe that conceptualizes it as the surface of an n-dimensional superfluid.
Mary Cooper: Interesting. You can believe that, but God filling an ark with animals two-by-two is nonsense.
Sheldon: What did they feed the lions, Mother?
Mary Cooper: The floating bodies of drowned sinners, of course.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, did I thank you for the flowers?
Sheldon: You did.
Beverly Hofstadter: I don't really like flowers.
Sheldon: Me neither, but it's the social convention.
Beverly Hofstadter: It is, isn't it?

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: Let me save you all of your hemming and hawing. Sheldon already told me that you and Penny are engaged.
Leonard: I hate that you talk to him more than you talk to me.
Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like for me and you to talk more?
Leonard: You know, it's probably fine.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: I read your paper. It was very impressive.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you.
Leonard: We just spent two hours in traffic. Did you think to mention to me that you liked our paper?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course I did, but it's a mother's job to make sure her child's self-esteem is not dependent on anyone's approval.
Leonard: That's so sweet, you think I have self-esteem.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: Come to Mommy.
Penny: It's okay. Go ahead. *Leonard hugs Beverly*
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, my son.
Leonard: Oh, my mother.
Penny: Oh, my God.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: Speaking of fathers, Leonard, I'm divorcing yours.
Leonard: What? No.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, he was cheating on me with some waitress from the university cafeteria. Can you believe it? A waitress! Oh, no offense dear!

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Mom?
Beverly Hofstadter: I understand you have been whining about my parenting in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, dear.
Leonard: You called my mother?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, is it really necessary to caption the obvious?
Beverly Hofstadter: He's been like that since he was a toddler. Look, Mommy, a butterfly. Maddening.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Howard: So, she's close to curing diabetes?
Beverly Hofstadter: Why else would you grow a pancreas in a teenaged gibbon?
Howard: Wow, you must be very proud.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why? They're not my accomplishments. I have to urinate.

"The Big Bang Theory"

Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, would it make you feel better to hear that your mother approved of your life choices?
Leonard: Yes, it would.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. Well, you should work on that.

"The Big Bang Theory"

"You don't have the training! You don't have the discipline! You're army is no army!"

Jon Snow in Game of Thrones.