Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. William Woodard "Will" Self, author of The Book of Dave and Umbrella, is now your willing thrall. Enjoy.


I wish for better late-night dining options.

Granted, but you get very fat.

I wish for a great new year's eve.

Granted, you have a great New Year's Eve but have some family chaos on Valentine's Day.

I hope the turkey/broccoli casserole I make this afternoon tastes yummy.

Granted. The dog especially liked it.

I wish for world peace.

Granted.

I wish you a happy new year.

All the best.

Granted! JSBACh will have a happy new year, but you and everyone else will not.

I wish for it not to snow tonight, but if it does, I wish for work to be called off tomorrow.

Granted, it will not snow tonight. It'll start just at the morning rush, and once it starts, it'll snow cats and dogs.

I wish for cats and dogs to never have to fall from the sky!

Granted! It is only turtles who fall from the sky.

I wish I worked tomorrow morning instead of tomorrow night.

Granted, but I already outlined the conditions above. All that wonderful snow... Ah!

I wish Google Chrome was behaving better right now.

Granted, but first Chrome has to have a time out. It will start working better after 2 days or so.

I wish I had a new phone.

Granted but it is an antique rotary phone for home use only.

I wish that I had a bunch of free range chickens in my backyard.

No! Not 2 days without net!!

Granted, but the fox will get them.


I have already proven that some turtles can fly, but now I wish they all sprout wings in spontaneous evolution

Oh, Shikari, is your new phone Japanese by the way?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo7BMWmOK1Q[/youtube]

Granted! Turtles have wings, but they are useless for flying.....just like penguins.

I wish I could see a baby panda.

Granted, you get to see a stillborn baby panda.

I wish I had wings and could fly.

Granted, but you don't know how to land.

I wish to not see a stillborn baby anything. That is so sad!