Corrupt A Wish

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Granted! You perform task quickly and well, but you are going a million miles a minute, you don't take the time to go to the bathroom. You therefore go in your pants. You really need to stop doing that....haha!

I wish my car wouldn't rust from all the salt on the roads.

Will ya stop it?! Gar!

Granted, in lieu of salt, it’ll rust from poor maintenance instead.

I wish to have clean pants.

Never!

Granted! I think everyone will appreciate that!

I wish to always treat my property with respect.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIVHNylH1Mk[/youtube]

Granted, your attitude towards your property is very respectful, almost revering in nature. Sadly, you’re still no good at maintaining it.

I wish people would stop making stinking assumptions about me.

Haha!

Granted.

I wish I was good at maintaining my property.

South Park is so funny!

Granted, you now spend every waking second maintaining, washing and fixing up Christine… uhm I mean your car. Your non-possessed car. Cough.

I wish to see a fruit bat /flying fox one day.

My car's name is Karl.....jk.

Granted, but you are slowing going blind. You see the fruit bat, but only for a second before you lose your sight completely.

I wish to not have a possessed car.

You’re familiar with Stephen King’s “Christine” right? Otherwise my last corruption won’t make much sense.

Granted, the car is no longer possessed. You are!

I wish to not go blind, neither slowly nor quickly nor any other way.

Yes, I am. I was kidding.

Granted. Now you slowly go deaf. It really not that much better.

I wish to never be possessed.

I know you were kidding (after all, surely you’d give your car a better name! ), I just didn’t know if you knew the story.

Granted, you have passed the possession on to a spider that will chase you trying to re-possess you. It won’t catch up, but it will always try.

I wish to not go deaf either (at any speed).

That is like my worse nightmare.

Granted, but you have no hands.

I wish for that evil spider to be banished to your apartment, and chase and try to possess you instead.

Really?

Granted, you have the spider banished to my apartment. On its way it transfers the demon to a doll. The spider arrives in my apartment a perfectly normal spider that will be released. The doll makes it back to the US, and soon it will be delivered on your door. The delivery man is a BEK riding on a sloth.

I wish to always have my hands intact.

Haha..wow! Everything I hate in one wish corruption.

Granted, but your feet get eaten my a band of hungry cannibals. You barely get out alive before they started to eat the rest of you.

I wish to not have a BEK riding a sloth deliver a demonic doll or anything else to my door.

You’re welcome!

Granted, the BEK riding on a sloth will not deliver anything on your door. He will now just knock on your door and ask if he and the sloth can come in.

I wish to not have my feet, or any other part of me, eaten.

Granted, but a pack of wolves come and tear you to pieces, but they decide not you eat any part of you.

I wish for the BEK and the sloth to bring you a bowl of turtle soup.

Granted, but when they see how horrified I am, they see the error of their ways and they decide to use their powers for turtle good. The BEK calls his species to action and the sloth does the same. Together the BEKs and the sloths save every single turtle species. They get involved in everything else too and soon you will see them everywhere. Since they’re such peace ambassadors Obama announces that every American household must have a resident sloth or BEK.

I wish to never be anywhere near turtle soup.