Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. The coldness moves to inside your place.

I wish not to slip on the ice.

Granted. You now trip on rocks more often, and usually fall onto patches of ice.

I wish I could be the Homecoming King.

Granted, but when you go to the Homecoming party, someone drops gallons of blood on you like Carrie.

I wish I was one year old again.

Granted, you are one year old. But you still feel and think like you're 51, and having your diaper changed and being spoon fed is gonna feel pretty embarrassing. It doesn't help that you feel able to do all that yourself but find your undeveloped motor skills failing you, which will make your family laugh because you're so cute and clumsy.

I wish I could start all over again but with some of the insight I have now.

Granted, but you aren't able to put all of that good insight to good use.

I wish I had more storage space.

Granted, but your closets are full of moths and you store the rest of your stuff in a humid place where it gets moldy.

I wish to be able to put that insight to good use.

Granted.

I wish my closets weren't full of moths. I don't want to store my clothes in a humid place where they will get moldy. It's already humid enough here.

Granted, your closets aren't full of moths, they're full of brown recluses. You'll have to get rid of the clothes you won't store in a humid place. It's that or using them as carpet.

I wish I had a functional replicator.

Wish granted.

Your replicator works splendidly.

However, it only makes four-foot-long Mexican Fruit Bats.

With really sharp teeth.


I wish I had a cute little yurt.

Wish granted, you are now the proud owner of a cozy yurt. However, you also have to share it with a family of horses from Turkestan.

I wish that people would stop complaining about shows they don't watch.

Dear Lillikoi,

You now must make a wish for me to corrupt.

Wish granted.

People all around you now whine and complain about shows and movies that no one else has ever seen; only them.

I wish for today's weather to continue for awhile.

Granted, it continues on for about a week. Next week though, look out!

I wish my favorite candle hadn't burned all the way down tonight.

Granted, the candle is almost whole, but you fall asleep from it.

I wish to never experience fire.

Granted, you experience carbon monoxide poisoning instead.

I wish things were better.