Corrupt A Wish

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Granted

I wish to not experience CO poisoning.

Granted. Smoke inhalation perhaps. It seems you are experiencing a fire after all.

I wish I wasn't so hungry right now.

Granted, you stop feeling hunger. Since you stop feeling hunger you will forget about eating and starve.

I wish there isn’t a fire here.

That would never happen.

Granted! There is a massive flood coming your way, but look on the bright side...no fires anywhere.

I wish I didn't have to close tomorrow with my very strict and by the book manager.

You don’t know that

Granted, you won’t have to tomorrow, but you will have to for the rest of the year. A good thing the year is almost done. Oh wait a minute. Whoops! Ah well, enjoy closing by the books. Don’t forget a single comma.

I wish for there to not be flood here. My city is built on clay. I don’t wanna wash to sea.

Granted. There is a drought in your city. All the clay dries out, cracks, and begins to crack the foundations of all the building structures in the city.

I wish to not have to be confined to such rigidness at work for the rest of the year.

Granted, you get a new manager who doesn’t care about the rules at all. They can’t get leave soon enough and it doesn’t matter that the place is a mess and nothing is in order. You new hippie manager wants to share a joint with you instead. Your colleagues aren’t thrilled about the way they find the place after you two close up. They’ll hate you both. This year and the next.

I wish to not have the buildings' foundations crack up!

It wouldn't be like that, and there is always 3 people closing every night.

Granted, but all the flat roofs collapse under the weight of heavy snow.

I wish hippies never happened, or the entire 60s decade.

Wish denied! Without the 60’s some of the best music and cars wouldn’t exist! Same goes for the 50’s, 70’s and 80’s.

I wish for someone to take care of the snow on the roof.

Lame.

Granted. It's you! Time for you to be a hero.

I wish for my best friend and I to finally go on that road trip we have been planning since college. It's so happening.

Granted. Have you seen “Thelma and Louise”? Well, you won’t be bored at least!

If I don’t fall off the roof I wish to be recognized as a hero and get the key to the city and be allowed to change one law. If I do fall off, I wish to die immediately without suffering and go to my pets.

I don't think we will drive off the Grand Canyon or anything....

Granted, but the law you get to change cannot be about turtles.

I wish things felt new again.

Sigh, of course not. You don’t drive off the Grand Canyon, you jump over it. Sheesh!

Granted, things feel new again because you had a stroke and now you have to learn everything all over again, including walking and talking.

I wish to change the law about turtles.

How awful!

Granted.

I wish to never have a stroke.

Granted, but you’ll develop brain tumor. In addition to being deadly it’ll change your personality.

I wish I wasn’t getting cold now.

Still so terrible.

Granted, you are now burning up....and vomiting.

I wish brains tumors didn't happen, and that there was nothing that anyone had that affected their brains.