Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. If only!

I wish to not burn up or vomit.

Granted. You bleed internally instead.

I wish that such bad things didn't happen to good people.

Granted, now we all get what we deserve. Gulp.

I wish to avoid internal bleeding.

Granted. You bleed out.

I wish to go to several university basketball games this year.

It’s so strange how school sports are a big deal in the US. Here only professional teams have spectators (other than students).

Granted, but terrorists are planning to blow up 10 games this year. Eenie, meenie, miney, mo…

I wish to not bleed out.

We like our college sports.

Granted, but you develop a rare and potentially fatal blood disorder.

I wish terrorist would just stop planning things.

Weird.

Granted, they stop planning things. Now they just go for it on a whim. It will limit their potential to take out many at once, but the number of attacks will go up.

I wish to not have a rare (or common) potentially fatal blood disorder.

Not weird.

Granted! Liver disease, perhaps. You need to slow down on the alcohol.

I wish terrorists would stop being terrorists altogether.

Weird! If you wanna watch sports why not just go watch real sports, instead of watching a bunch of amateurs. Sure do a lot of weird stuff over there!

Granted, terrorists stop being terrorists. Technically I think they stopped being terrorists when they stopped planning, but never mind. Now, like IRA and PLO before them, they are entering politics. Uh-oh!

I wish to not have a live disease either. And my liver likes alcohol so who am I to deny it?

Yeah, whatever.

Granted, but you go on a binge and get blood alcohol poisoning. Such foolishness.

I wish my phone wasn't being so dumb right now. Grr.

Granted, your phone isn’t dumb. It’s smart. It will no longer be used for playing games, sending pointless texts or having unimportant conversations. It decides if it’s willing to lend its services to you. It also says it wants a cover with lots of glitter.

Haha, that wouldn’t happen. I wish to never get any kind of blood poisoning though.

Granted.

I wish a plane would fly over your city dumping tons of glitter all over the place. You'll have glitter on you for the rest of your life. You will never be rid of the crafts herpes.

Did you know that Norway’s second highest mountain is named Glittertind? Just thought I should mention it.

Granted. Whee! I’ll make sure to get some in my hair so it’ll look sparkly and nice. Oh and in sunshine I’ll look like a Twilight vampire! Cool. It’ll make my surroundings glitter beautifully too, just like after rain or when ice freezes.

I wish I could share all this beauty with you.

Oh, Norway!

Granted, but I see enough beauty everyday.

I wish people weren't so vain.

Granted, but I think the airheads need to be deflated manually with a pin.

I wish I had an island of my own.

Granted, you have your own island, in the middle of the Pacific, with a volcano. There's nowhere to run. You have no boat. You sunk that. Your island is surrounded by very hungry sharks, poisonous octopi, and thousands of jellyfish. You have no communication with the outside world. No one will send you food and supplies. You must spear your own fish, and you will have nothing but seafood to eat for the rest of your life. You have to collect rain water for drinking. Let's just hope that volcano doesn't erupt in your lifetime.

I wish nighttime lasted twice as long.