Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It turns out the Russian exchange student is actually a malevolent supernatural entity who will massacre the entire class if not stopped by you and your friends.

I wish I could find an easy way to pack up my whole house and move it halfway across the country into a small apartment.

sounds like a plan.

granted. i call my bud atlas, he puts your house on his shoulders to carry it halfway across the country. then somewhere along the way he shrugs, and the house falls. he picks up the pieces and flings them at your apartment. ayn rand laughs.

i wish milhouse was a meme.

Granted. Memes are coming and going so fast nowadays that you already missed your chance to use it, though.

I wish I could bend time to my will.

Granted. You get enslaved by California farmers, and eventually meet the same fate as the Golden Goose.

I wish everyone in the world shared the values of the WEIRD people (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic).

congrats you have a society with people who spend all of their money and are bankrupt

i wish that i wasnt depressed

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You are no longer depressed, but you become so happy that it consumes you and you turn into a giant smiley face (and everyone is scared of you)

I wish to get a perfect ACT score

Granted. You get a perfect Absolutely, Completely and Totally useless score.

I wish I had fewer rules to follow at the place where I'm now.

Granted. Most of the rules are zapped, but a few are replaced by some extremely less than desirable ones (e.g. ten pieces of homework per lesson, every day).

I wish people weren't so horrible to me on this other forum.

They stop being horrible to you. Now they ignore you completely.
I wish I was Putin.

You are Putin. That's already kind of horrible by itself.

I wish I had a bigger house.

You have a bigger house. It's an Ultrahouse like the one in Treehouse of Horror XII (The Simpsons).

I wish Raina won America's Next Top Model instead of Krista.

Riana won and she also has cancer.

I wish I never ending box of Tim Tams.

Granted. Now everyone talks about the never-ending box of Timtams instead of gay marriage.
I wish my country was a nuclear superpower.

Your country is a nuclear superpower and World War III happens and the world ends.

I wish the world was free of war.

The world is free from war. All weapons are destroyed. Then the aliens invade and we are defenseless just like on that episode of the Simpsons.

I wish I was taller