Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You see her with your worst enemy.

I wish the moon really was made out of cheese.

Granted. The moon is now made of cheese. After consuming the whole thing you now have high cholesterol.

I wish I had a pool table.

Granted. You have a table in the middle of a ten-metre-deep swimming pool. Every time a ball falls through a hole, you have to swim to the bottom of the pool to pick it up.

I wish I were doing more and imagining less.

granted. you are now imagine little AND doing absolutely nothing. that is still doing something, no?

i wish i was water.

Granted. Someone removes the 30% of your body mass that is not water. Then they use it to make Soylent Green.

I wish I could find potatoes which would produce flowers and fruits (no, tubers aren't fruits, and yes, I know potato fruits are poisonous; I ain't planning to eat 'em).

You find them, but they contain a powerful alkaloid that makes you feel high. You are so high, that you trip over a stone and crack your head.
I wish everyone on the planet was an aspie.

Granted. Everybody dies. Now it's vacuously true that everyone left is an aspie---there's noöne left who isn't one.

I wish I weren't so stupidly slow to do what I have to do now.

You do it quickly, but superficially. Your boss is dissatisfied with it and fires you.
I wish everyone would respect me and accept me for who I am.

You are respected and accepted for who you are, and your family is dead.

I wish I was fluent in all languages.

Granted. And everybody you meet is deaf.
I wish I could fly like a bird.

I actually thought of this video on YouTube when I saw your wish.
Consider it granted, like the little Kiwi bird below:


.....

I wish I had some lasagne right now. Mmmmmm ...

Granted. But Garfield jumps out of the comic books and eat your lasagne before you get a bite of it.

I wish I was more courageous

Granted, but you are so courageous it starts to interfere with you taking care of yourself.

I wish I had a bigger room.

Granted, but you have to walk for 5 hours to get from your computer to your bed.

I wish I had better grades in math.

Granted, but you spend so much time studying math all your other grades go down.

I wish I wasn't allergic to cats.

Granted, but all cats are now allergic to you.

I wish my computer never froze.