Corrupt A Wish

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That thing now consumes all your attention, and you forget to eat, drink water, sleep and use the bathroom.

I wish you were a small spider, not a big spider.

Granted, but you shrink as much as he does.

I wish had slept better last night.

She returns, but now she's an old ugly witch who nags the hell out of you.

I wish I was Batman.

Poof! You're now Batman, but your Batmobile lost a wheel and Robin laid an egg, so Batgirl upstages you.

I wish I had been a Soap Box Derby racer in my youth.

The smilies load immediately, but are not clickable, the pop-up window can never be closed, and it shows you emoticons of emotions that you can never feel again. Your computer also can never turn off, and follows you wherever you go playing hardcore pornography with the volume turned all the way up.

I wish I had perfect pitch.

Poof! Your pitch is now perfect, but right after you throw your first no-hitter, Major League Baseball goes on an indefinite strike which doesn't end until after old age arthritis sets in.

I wish my house had a second bathroom!

Granted, but the second bathroom has no running water, stinks and is infested with cockroaches.
I wish I was an employee of the NSA.

Granted, but now you are being investigated as a Wikilinks leaker.

I wish I was 10 feet tall.

Granted. Now you bump your head everytime you go through the doorway.
I wish that the person whom I hate the most would die from cancer, then I would go to his funeral and pee on his grave during the ceremony as everyone watches.

Granted! But it was really really cold that day... if you know what I mean. Everybody saw it.

I wish I was a famous artist.

Granted. You are now followed by paparazzi everywhere you go.
I wish there was only one season all the time.

Granted; now winter never ends and it's bitterly cold all the time. Google Verkhoyansk: that's how the winter will be and never change.

I wish I could lose a few kilograms.

You pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster to help you lose a few kilos. However, he is only familiar with imperial units and doesn't know what you're talking about.
I wish I was a truck driver.

Granted, but the truck you drive is manufactured by Tonka.

I wish my apple trees would grow faster.