Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You have a note informing you of your upcoming death.

I wish my email would be faster.

Granted, but it runs off your body heat and you can never leave it for it to work.



I wish I was Human.

Granted. You're now a target for the giant carnivorous lizards that are attacking the earth.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, you go on a plane trip and enjoy your self, till it crashes.

I wish, with no change in my self what so ever, that everyone in the world would become more healthy and happy and smarter then I am.

Granted, but a major species of animal (e.g. cats, dogs, lions, elephants) becomes extinct each day.

I wish I knew for sure whether I was transgender or not.

Granted, but you experience severe gender dysphoria that you can't do anything about.

I wish I could talk to animals.

Granted, but they don't talk back.

I wish that I had absolute omnipotence that allowed me to do literally anything not logically contradictory and have it work out exactly as I intend as well as a suspension of the Dunning-Kruger effect of sufficient duration that I can use my omnipotence to remove the limits of my own knowledge and competence in an orderly fashion that expands my capacity to understand in advance of my understanding culminating in retrospective omniscience (ie, I know everything that happened and is currently happening and can foresee how my actions will impact the future but, due to my own free will, I do not technically know what the future holds) as well as a satisfaction guarantee such that if I am not completely satisfied with the effects of my wish then it is completely undone.

Granted, but it only lasts for five minutes.

I wish people wouldn't make such confusing wishes.

Granted, but the five minutes of omnipotence you granted me is just enough to break the universe to the point where all human thought becomes just as confusing as that wish.

I wish I had a lawyer to draft some wish-forming language for me to protect my interests against wish corrupters.

Granted, but the lawyer is corrupt and slyly robs you of your home, your family and your job.

I wish I could tune out what people were saying whenever I want to.

Granted, but during the time you tuned out, someone warned you that a zombie acopalypse was coming, and by the time you tuned back in, it's already too late.

I wish that life was fair.

Granted, but then nobody has to do lousy jobs like sanitation and waste management and society becomes a cesspool of disease.

I wish I could time travel without a paradox occurring.

Granted, but you'll get stuck in an alternate universe in a time period where time travel does not exist, and it has no internet connection, so you'll never be able to log into Wrong Planet again to complain about how you regret this wish. Plus, it is a time period where jobs like sanitation and waste management do not exist, so you get stuck in a society that is a cesspool of disease.

I wish that dragons are real.

Granted. They wage war against humans and kill thousands of people with their fiery breath.

I wish my mom would offer me some cake.

Granted, but you eat too much and get a stomach ache.

I wish for a million wishes.

Granted, but you get paralyzed by the enormity of all the possible options and end up curled up in a ball under a table, wishing the infernal genie away.

I wish I would know the right thing to do in every situation.