Corrupt A Wish

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Not granted, people are even worse to each other than before, YOU GIANT DOUCHEBAG

I wish I had a bottle of orange juice

Granted. Congratulations, you're now the proud owner of a three months old (expired) bottle of orange juice, enjoy.

I wish I were a zombie.

Granted. You are now a...zombie. Being a member of the living dead is by definition a corrupt (literally and figuratively) thing to wish for. So no detail needs to be added.


I wish for...world peace and understanding!

Granted. Aliens will invade the planet.

I wish trees had blue leaves.

granted. every tree has now TWO blue leaves, no more.

i wish i could be happy by myself.

Granted. You're now the last person alive in the universe, but at least you're happy.

I wish my heel would heal so I can go skiing.

granted... now you have a heel that is healthy, and also, sentient and sapient. it likes to talk to you in your sleep.

i wish i could draw more convincing mouths.

Granted. You can't draw any other body part correctly.

I wish Queens outrank Kings in a deck of cards.

Granted. The King is not the lowest ranking card with the Queen ranking one step higher.

I wish could live within the Mass Effect universe.

granted. you sleep in a janitors closet and you're fed the leftovers and scraps.


i wish every file on my computer was named "jastrebarsko".

Granted. Now every file in your computer has that name. Including your weekly work schedule from your employer, IRS communications, and your bank account, etc. So your life grinds to a halt from terminal confusion. And you get fired, and you loose health records and get sick, get busted by the IRS for tax evasion, and cant even find your favorite song!

I wish I could...lock lips with Scarlet Johanson.

Granted, your lip are locked shut behind a barrier when she enters the room and the lock can't be opened until she leaves.

I wish i could safely fly and safely land when finished.

Granted, but your aeroplane is a jet fighter, and the pilot is flying at ludicrous speed, doing stunts, loops and fires off missiles at random houses in the countryside. You take off, fly and land safely however.

I wish I could go to Japan.

Granted but you are eaten by Godzilla.

I wish I was Godzilla.

You are Godzilla and you eat me, but digesting me is a problem and you will get the biggest diarrhea ever. Also, remember what always happen to Godzilla in the end of the movies? You'll get shot down.

I wish I could go to Japan WITHOUT getting eaten by Godzilla or any other monster.

Granted but you are declared a quarantine risk and never allowed to return home.

I wish I was a scientist.