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Teaches fish how to sing.

Teaches songs how to dance

Her twenty-seventh cousin, eight point three times removed, has a boyfriend who is is a three-thousand-kilometer-long coecalanth fish floating in a random patch of propane and barbecue sauce out beyond the Andromeda galaxy, who survived being sunk in an ocean of purple radio for longer than any other member of the Orion Sunplay-Neverword 9432 Club. This club was once disbanded forcibly by a paper army, and reformed in the walk-in wardrobe of a Great Old One where the inhabitants identified spies based on whether or not they opened doors and picked up socks with their toes. Unfortunately, before the Club could hoisted over the shoulder of a troll and used as a club, the concept of a sunset exploded and threw that fading twilight vermilion over everyone. Physicists attributed the cause to the misapplication of quaslkaviso-arcnexleciadyane-1,2,hxak,48, which was used on bad dubstep and colour-flooding because it was ordained by The Master of Surrealism, Mezzanotte.

Ate a bar of soap.

Is a fourteenth cousin eleven times removed (and nine times replaced) of Marvin The Paranoid Android, designed, created, and immortalized by the late, great Douglas Adams.

Went for a day out in a loophole.

Invents terms like 'loophole' just to see if anyone believes that such things exist.

Shaved her eyebrows off and sent them to Cliff Richards.

Found a wormhole while viewing the Declaration of Independence and thought she could use it to exchange cherry pie recipes with Martha Washington.

Collects used chewing gum.

Has such a crush on MarthaWashington, has twelve tattoos of her.

Keeps goldfish in her slippers during the summer months.

Keeps his head in a bucket during lent.

Stares at cress.

Wrote a fan letter to Vladimir Putin asking for permission to have tattoos of him on each toe.

Wrote to a major movie studio asking them to cast Daniel Craig as Vladimir Putin in an action hero movie.