Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but you now have millions of dollars, some of which allows you to attend Oxford and the rest you open up a Charity foundation which devours all of your free time because you want to compete with Bill Gates' "Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation". You eventually fail all of your classes and get kicked out of school. You inform Oxford of your circumstances by writing them a very persuasive and sympathetic letter from which you are allowed entry back into Oxford. You still have enough money to go to Oxford, but as you are crossing the street one day, since you have no money for transportation you must walk, you are run over by a car. This doesn't kill you and you move on, but being at the hospital, you contract a fatal disease which does kill you.

I wish I would go to sleep.

Now THAT'S how you corrupt a wish.

Granted, but it's "sleep" in the euphemistic sense as when an animal is "put to sleep."

I wish I never had to sleep. (oh wait... I don't)

Granted, but you soon discover you are on the same plane as in the Langoliers and you disappear, along with every other person that was conscious aboard that plane - they were sent to a place of eternal pain.

I Wish for no corruption on any more Wishes.

Granted, but only if no more posts are made in this thread. Your choice.

I wish Morgan Tsvangiri had won the first round of elections in Zimbabwe by a wide enough margin to avoid the run-off they're currently getting ready for... curse Mutambara and Simba Makomi for dividing MDC and making it difficult for them to beat ZANU-PF as soundly as they should have.

Granted, but soon after Tsvangiri is successful he is assassinated.

I Wish to have a million dollars. Each dollar came from one adult living in America. I already have buffered security so it will never be stolen from me. I won't die of any diseases, but I do have a tendency to give my money away to the poor - it won't happen this time, muahah!

Last edited by abstrusemortal on 26 May 2008, 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dangit, that's probably actually going to happen to Mr. Tsvangiri.

Granted, but they take legal action and get their money back with interest, leaving you with massive debt they you will never be able to pay off so you are forced to be an indentured servant the rest of your life.

I wish Kasparov had stayed in the Russian election and beaten Medvedev.

Granted, but then Russia is nuked by some unknown country and the elections no longer matter.


I Wish to travel at tachyon speeds.

Last edited by abstrusemortal on 26 May 2008, 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Granted, but you then collide with a brick wall.

I wish oil prices would come down.

At such high speeds I can travel through brick walls since it can only happen that I travel at tachyon speeds if I were that small; a result of quantum mechanics probability.

Granted, but now, since people have all that extra money to spend, they go on vacation more, which means they can go to bars and get drunk. Eventually someone becomes too intoxicated and doesn't have someone responsible to tell them that they are too drunk to drive, since that responsible person is donating money and even more time to some charitable foundation - the same foundation from before! They start driving after they leave the bar at 3am in the morning and start driving back to the hotel.
Meanwhile there is a family that is so tired from driving non-stop from their home to their uncles house - they too went on vacation because of the decrease in gas prices.
At the next intersection the father is too inattentive and sleepy to realize that a drunken maniac is about to run a red light. As the family approaches the intersection at the speed limit, the drunken maniac is going twice the speed limit, almost entering the intersection. At the moment the two cars are in the intersection - a collision, which anyone within a radius of a a mile could hear. The collision is fatal - no survivors. The police arrive within minutes to find a ball of metal with the color burgundy.

I wish that you would remember a wish and that your posts would be a little more pithy.

I don't have need for wishes!
My posts are accurate. I actually don't elaborate as much as I should. My posts may not be short but they are to the point!

Granted to the first wish that I will remember my wishes but they will now all concern your destruction .

I Wish for all future colleges to only accept you if you give them 100k + in cash.

Granted, but it doesn't matter since I've already been accepted and thus won't be aplying anymore.

I wish you wouldn't wish for my destruction.

Granted, but now Sarah, an unknown cashier that once served you breakfast, is now bent on your destruction since you put no change in the tip jar.

I wish for time to stop only for me.

Granted, but it gets really boring being stuck in one moment in time.

I wish high school was over already and I didn't have so many projects to finish.

Granted, but now you are in college and you have THOUSANDS of projects to start AND finish.

I wish we could pragmatically travel at speeds near at least 99% that of light.

Granted, but relativity kicks in and everyone you care about is dead. In fact, when you slow down you find a future Earth devastated by war, disease, famine, and the last few remaining humans beings alive are under a brutal and oppressive regime and no food crops can be grown because the soil has been destroyed and the existing food supplies are only expected to last another month, after which they plan to turn to cannibalism. And you're first on the menu.

I wish a cure to HIV/AIDS was found.