Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but you have a heart attack the night of the honeymoon.

I wish Rome didn't collapse

Iussu Valde Caesar, vestri votum est tribuo!

Opus vestri remigium puteus, quod ago...

(By order of the Great Caesar, your wish is granted! Row well, and live...)

I wish for a fully outfitted and operational far trader, complete with an English-language instruction manual.

Granted, but it is a hundred years old and falling apart though still "operational" and the instruction manual was written in Chinese and translated by a Chinaman who learned English on the internet.

I wish every dog that is an incessant barker would suddenly (and painlessly) drop dead, that its owner(s) would know that it is owing to their barbaric inconsideration for not keeping the thing from torturing his/her/their neighbors and that the corpses would then disappear as these people's inconsideration would likely result in ignored rotting dog corpses all over the planet.

Granted! but dogs no longer exist now yay! i hate dogs...

I i wish animals that made noise never existed (besides humans)

But mine doesn't baaaaark! You would like him. He's kind of an honorary cat. Speaking of, don't you like kitty purrs? That is a very soothing sound.

Okay, FINE, but we all starve to death as that includes every animal that does exist. (Btw, i'm not an animal.)

Edit: Oops, forgot to wish....

Hmm, i wish i were in the best physical condition.

i dont starve since my food is made in a laboratory by humans with no animal byproducts...

Granted! but perfect physical condition is fat in this world.

I wish that only animals that dont make much noise (cats are ok but not great hwen they meow loudly so i will allow existance if quieter cats)

BUT, those humans are dead because there is a worldwide food shortage due to having no meat and a destroyed ecosystem that cannot support plants either. Uh, ooooooh.

K, well that leaves us fish to eat which are really good for us. But plants are now living and angry about all the years of abuse, so they.... *gasp*, "AAAA!"

I wish for whirled peas.

SPLATT! Gotcha right in the face! Do you want fries with that?


I wish people weren't so arrogant, ignorant, and downright disagreeable.

*POOF!* We are all hamsters.

I wish MST3K had its own channel and played 24/7.

P.S. Fnord, i like your name.

Granted, but nobody can find it.


I wish I could finish a crossword without having to cheat.

You've got it, but the message you uncover makes you wanted by the FBI.


I wish there weren't so many bugs here.

Granted, but all the bugs turn into worm infested rodents with sharp teeth and huge heads.


I wish I lived behind a super waterfall.

Granted! it is super... acidic...

I wish i had a soundproof bedroom.

All yours....and the screaming banshee's who lives there, too.



I wish i could be alone for 3 months at a secluded beach house stocked with everything i need and want regarding food, comfort, and electronics.

Granted, but the evil palm tree next to your window scalps you in your sleep.


I wish I could go to more concerts.

yes and the concerts would end up being the bands you hate,
trapped listening to the worst forever muahahahah.










I wish, without any change in my self what so ever,
that all the people on this world, was more smarter, healthier, kinder, happier, and more well off then I am.