PRIZE MACHINE

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*Receives 3 Prize Machines*

*Puts a nickel, dime and dime into the three prize machines*

Receives three copies of How to Destroy the Universe in Five Easy Steps.

*Inserts negatively curved paper with legitimate proof that 1=0*

You receive Humorism Medicine

*Inserts Quarter*

Receives a 131072nd part.

*Inserts a Golden Ticket*

I get the gold. You now get your ticket back, stripped of all its gold.

*inserts fake quarter*

Counterfeiter alert! The nation owning that quarter sends its best agents!

*Inserts an anti-quarter*

Anti-counterfeiter anti-alert! The anti-nation anti-owning that anti-quarter anti-sends its anti-best anti-agents!

*inserts an authentic quarter*

You have caused the annihilation of the machine, since the quarter was made of anti matter and the machine was made of regular matter. A new machine has been placed in the site of the old, and you owe $10,000.

*Inserts a quarter*

You received a "Wrong Sender" notice.

*inserts quarter*

Thank you for your deposit. Your remaining balance is $7 500 USD.

*Inserts a quarter*

You should know that we will always approach zero and never reach it until eternity occurs if this continues.

The machine releases US$10,000. I get the money.

*inserts a dunce cap for the next poster*

What is this baseless [sic] white cone? It could hold a nice bouquet.

Your balance is now $17 500 USD.

*Inserts sentience-activated incendiary explosive of some sort*

The incendiary gets automatically defused, and the balance is now $0.

*inserts quarter*

Thank you for your time investment. You are not to discuss any aspect of your job until the equivalent day in the first quarter of 2012.

*Inserts food*

The machine does not accepts food. It barfs the food back at you.

*inserts quarter*

You get a red gumball!

*Inserts token*