The Really Bad Advice Thread

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You are free to take any lost children you spot at the mall or in a park home with you and raise them as your own. Finders keepers!

The best way to get rid of that suspicious lump in your breast is to ignore it.

The best way to test the temperature of any beverage is with the tip of your tongue.

Puppies are excellent judges of character, so it's OK to get into any van with any person who offers you one.

If you keep hearing in your head,

"Mas essa foi a data
Que o mundo escolheu!"
"Quem exatamente?
Eu sei que não fui eu.",

stay listening to the convo all night long.

If you go into politics, always remember as a rule that if you lie all the time, it will never, ever catch up to you. Furthermore, lies are a sound basis for governance.

There's no reason to supply a new roll if you use the last of the toilet paper.

Be always a dick unless you have sound reasons meeting the highest standards to behave otherwise.

Severe migraines may be soothed by listening to marching band music and doing some jumping jacks, ideally in a brightly lit room.

Just pull that power cord out of your computer any dang ol' time.

Four or five pieces of white bread make an excellent laxative.

By a vuvuzela. Play it.

join a chorus. sing as loud as you can even though you know you sing a quarter tone flat.

Why sing when you can just yell, fart and laugh your ass out at the rest of the chorus for sheepishly doing what they're expected to do?

Always reply, "Yes officer, I was."

Home dentistry is a much more affordable option.

You won't need even that if you never brush your teeth and just wait for them to fall off.

You'll be better able to tell when it's done if you pan-fry your bacon while you're naked.