The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Don't follow your own nose. Follow someone else's.

When driving on a winding road, take it at 25mph over the posted speed limit because it will be just like a carnival ride!

Never wear a hat when you are eating soup.

Never eat soup out of a hat.

Treat baked beans as if they was your closest relative.

This will totally work for you.

If you're a girl, apply chocolate instead of lipstick to your lips. It looks much better!

And don't forget the mascara.

If your car runs low on oil, and you don't want to make a special trip to get some, you can use olive oil instead. (You can also use olive oil in place of windshield wiper fluid, eye drops, and coffee creamer.)

(Bonus Advice: )
When you get a deep cut that won't stop bleeding, it's best to make a paste of salt and vinegar and rub a handful into the cut vigorously, then apply the rest as a poultice.

Always send e-mails to people and post on forums when you're really, really angry.

Keep a gun in an accessible place in case life craps on you.

Encourage cockroaches to come into your house. They clean up all the breadcrumbs and are a good food source.

Eat only apples, they are healthy and provide all the nutrients you need.

Don't bother cooking your meat that just makes it bland and removes all the fun toughness of the meat

Warning signs such as No Trespassing signs are simply a form of graffiti and have no meaning beyond that of written art form.