Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, you cease to have an anus.

I wish I had X-ray vision so I could see through pretty girls clothing.

Granted, but they know you are looking and you get slapped by girls everywhere you go!

I wish the weather remains good this afternoon so I can work in the garden.

Granted, the weather remains sunny and balmy,
so you can connect your laptop to a solar-power photovoltaic generator
and work happily for the rest of the day answering the urgent e-mails your boss sends you!


I wish the China and India would renounce the Military Dictatorship
ruling Myanmar and demand the restoration of Aung San Suu Kyi to power
as the Democratically elected representative of her people!

Granted, Aung San Suu Kyi is restored to power, but goes crazy and does the following:

Declares herself the queen of Myanmar and outer space.

Refers to Myanmar as "Burma" for some reason.

Enacts a law that says if syzygyish ever comes into the country, people must throw apples at him when they see him. If a person sees syzygyish and do not throw apples at him, they get the death penalty.

Smoking crack is not only legal, it is a legal responsibility.

Petitions the U.N. that syzygyish must come to sleep with her on a regular basis.

Enacts a law that whenever a person sees a VW Bug they must yell "Slug Bug" and punch the person next to them in the arm. Failure to follow this law results in life in prison.



I wish a non-communist socialist country existed, and that I lived there.

Granted, welcome to my adopted country - France. Enjoy the high taxes and bureaucracy. I hope you speak fluent French.

I wish I spoke fluent French.

Granted, but the French are so outraged at a foreigner usurping their beautiful language, they banish you to a village where people only speak Basque.

I wish I were patron saint of curtains and soft furnishings.

Granted, but a religious war breaks out between them when the curtains want
to elevate your status to a messiah and the soft furnishings declare that that is heresy
and you must be in league with Satin!

Luckily they settle things with a pillow-fight.


I wish I had a pet Turtle!

Granted, a seven headed Africanized Blue snapping turtle. Not somthing you want to even get near, and it has spikes and spines sticking out of its shell, and Wings.

I wish I could cause a random time paradox to see the results.

Granted, you just did, but due to the paradox you don't remember - like it never happened.

I wish the pigeons do not eat the seedlings in my garden.

Granted, but since they are hungry from not eating, they eat you eye balls instead.

I wish I was an anthropomorphic milkshake.

Granted, you are now a shaken cow. Too easy.

I wish I could move to Goldenrod City, Johto.

Granted, you are incarcerated in prison there for the next thirty years.

I wish the shops were nearer to my home than 12 miles away!

You can see the shops from your house, but there's a 500 foot wide river between you and them with a current too strong for a boat, and the nearest bridge is 12 miles away in either direction.

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I wish I had a 12 inch suspension lift kit for my pickup.

Granted, you get it fixed onto your pickup and the following day someone steals your pickup!

I wish for skin that didn't get damaged when I do any manual work - my hands are now rough and the skin scuffed off one finger - it's sore

Granted, your hands get chopped off. Now when you do manual work your prosthetic hands don't get damaged at all.

I wish I could get drunk without losing my ability to understand complex ideas.

Granted, you become an alcoholic and need to be permanently drunk to understand anything!

I wish I knew everything.