Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but she grows tentacles and strangles and eats you after you tell her, not because she's freaked out, but because she's hungry.

I wish they would remake the Thundercats so badly that it is funny.

Granted, but you are litterally forced to be the director.

I wish I was as muscular as Arnold in the Conan movies.

Granted, you have the same side effects from steroids. Liver damage, heart problems, shrinkage .

I wish that I could have enough money to fund my projects.

Done. You now have a million dollars . . . in pennies.

I wish I had the fastest internet connection and best graphics card in the world!

Granted! But security from Area 51 pays you a visit to confiscate your computer in the interest of national security.

I wish for higher/advanced graphics programs (Adobe Illustrator or Corel Draw)

Granted, but you're only able to work with pictures of stick figures.

I wish I were finished my college degree.

Done. You finally got your degree, and you're only 94 years young, and you had a heart attack as soon as you got it..

(I'm running out of things to wish for that aren't disgusting)
I wish . . . I was a great chef.

Granted, but gnomes put rat poop in to every great meal that you cook.

I wish that the next time I watch a live TV event a hot girl flashes the camera.

Granted! As you're taping the show, police raid your place and charge you with possession of child pornography.

I wish for an undead evil pet that'll do my bidding.

Done. However, you'll notice that it's brain and muscles have mostly rotted away so it doesn't really move.

I wish I could control how fast my hair grows, or make it not grow at all, so I would never have to shave again and my goatee would always look perfect.

Granted. Your goatee always looks perfect. Therefore you are voted Most Attractive Man by abig silly glossy magazine. Straight women and gay men worship you. They camp out in a circle around your house. They press themselves against your windows, begging for autographs and pictures. You can't go outside without being mobbed and photographed. They all have scissors and they try to cut off locks of your hair because they know you can make it grow right back. You're also being mobbed by bald men demanding free hairpieces, and anyone else who wishes they had more hair. The two camps of admirers start fighting over you and a full-fledged battle errupts around your house.

I wish I could time travel.

Granted, but when you go to the past, you do events that does not allow the Internet to be created.

I wish all science people to have an airport for the remberence of their discoveries.

Done. So many airports are built that your house is knocked down to make room for one.

I wish I had some more of those tacos that I just ate.

Granted, but you have heartburn when you eat just one more of them.

I wish for my own private jet.

Done, but there are MOTHERF***IN SNAKES ON YOUR MOTHERF***IN PLANE!

I wish . . . uh, I wish I had the Dethalbum!
Or at least enough money to go buy it.

Granted. However, the copy you buy with the last of your funds comes "pre-scratched for your convenience."

I wish that my IQ was 500.