Corrupt A Wish

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Yes you get a better job within a day, the job however does not work out so well for other reasons.

You arrive at the office block of the widget company and are shown to your new job, you have an air conditioned office with a exotic rug as the carpet. You sit down and start working, the work is super interesting and it involves your AS special interests then ten minutes later the police walk in and tell you to step away from your desk.

You step out of the office into the car park, the police then take you away and question you at length about what you do at work. You later discover from them that you had just started working at a compnay which was breaking the law in countless ways and was being funded by the aliens from pluto who have started the "space mafia". When the police discover that it was your first day and that you had only just arrived, they choose to spare you the bright lights and rubber hose treatment and release you. You sign for your watch, belt, tie, shoe laces and house keys and then leave the police station to find your company car being taken away, you then recall that you had sold off you own car two days ago at a low price as you thought you would never need it again. You walk to a bus stop and then discover you have just missed a bus and the bus back to your part of town goes every two hours.

You start to walk home, and then you get picked up by the little purple men from pluto, they question you and use the bright lights, rubber hoses and the endless video loop of dire TV soaps on you. Then as you have not told them what they want to know they start to suck out your brains through your nose with a straw. The aliens think that as you were the only person released that you are a police informer who was ratted them out, they then cut out your guts and slowly cut your head off (while you are attached to a life support machine to keep you alive and no so well). You then find your head has been put on a stick and is now used by the aliens to clean the mud off their shoes each time they come in from the garden.

I wish that I ruled the world, and could set what ever laws I liked

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted, yet when you get bored, which happens very soon, you start tweaking things in unusual and destructive ways. Also, you're still allergic to pollen, only when you sneeze worlds explode.




I wish that I could endlessly eat mash potato and vegetables, without feeling full.

Granted, you can eat lots of mash but you will never get full. You get a hole like Alexis St. Martin's hole and all your food falls out of you after you eat it. Also William Beaumont appears and he wants to do odd medical experiments on you 7 days a week.

I wish when I go to work on monday that my head of department calls me to one side and tells me I have won a noble prize and then I get a phone call from the noble prize people confirming this.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted; it is, however, for a different Nobel Prize: the Ig Nobel Prize.

I wish my New Year's day off is extended to the weekends. (Sigh, I have work on weekends.)

Granted. Every Sunday you wake up only at 2pm, painted blue, with a hangover, a mysterious itchy rash, and no memory of what happened the night before.

(I call that a thoroughly corrupted wish. Ah, the satisfaction of a job well done!)

I wish I could scratch myself behind the ear with my foot.

Granted; this time, you walk on all fours, you pee with one foot off the ground, and you can't speak English or any human language but one single word: ARF! ARF!

I wish I don't have work today.

That was cruel! I bow to you, o Master of Corruption. May the next of my humble offerings be worthy of just the teeniest smidgen of your attention, before you grind it into the dust.

Your wish is granted. You get off work because you must appear in court, charged with knowingly wearing a bow tie that did not match your socks. The charge is true and documented on film. The penalty is having to floss your teeth with spider silk for a year. You must collect the material yourself.

I wish I could get any book I want for free.

Granted, but taking all your books for free puts the porn bookshop out of business.

I wish to do lots of work tomorrow and not idle my time away on WP.

Granted.... But then, easter is coming soon and you would have to skip work just for it and then back to spending your idle time on WP

I wish I wasn't so quiet in parties...

Granted, you are no longer quiet at parties - you really shouldn't have eaten all those Brussel sprouts and baked beans.

I wish to go to bed now and sleep...

Granted... Goodnight TallyMan sweet dreams, **ALARM CLOCK RINGS** time to wake up old man

I wish there was no such things as alarm clocks...

Yeah, but you have pneumatic drills every morning!

I wish I lived in Lazytown...

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I'm a writer, not a fighter and my pen is always loaded.

Magnús Scheving is my Icelandic rose

Granted... Welcome to the world of puppets how can I help you? While the humans laze about in bed, hiring the puppets to do everything for them.

I wish i'm always awake.

Granted, yet the quality of your work grows thinner and is never the same again. You eventually die a sad, sad death and get eaten by cats who mistake you for chicken.



I wish it wasn't so HOT here.

Granted... But when it hits a freezing temperature, you would wish that it was hot again, like me for example

I wish I don't get winter?

Granted; England gets shifted to the Middle East, and you experience dry weather forever.

I wish my current company would let me go.