Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but the barbeque gives you indigestion.

I wish for a new cell phone, particularly one that can text.

Granted, you get a new cell phone shortly followed by the irate real owner and two policemen.

I wish for some custard with my pudding.

Granted. You get some custard with your padded rooming.

I wish to know the secrets that flan pudding contains.

Granted, but if I told you I'd have to kill you.

I wish I had another week of Spring Break.

Granted; spring breaks and you've got a lot of work to do fixing reality.

I wish I could find the glue.

Granted, you find the glue, but apparently it sprung a leak, and now its glued to the floor.

I wish I had more mechanical pencils.

Granted, but there is no graphite in the pencils.

I wish that the nights were longer without subtracting any time in the day.

Granted. The nights are now infinitely long.

I wish that boobies dispensed whiskey.

Granted. Babies no longer get nutrition. Thus the world population collapses.:3

I wish for a Green Herring.

Granted! You get the fish

I wish that this woman would come lay on top of me in this outfit and let me rub her belt and then get shrunk down and have her stuff me under the belt and pull it super super tight thus squishing me tight

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check out my website at {redacted by admin - domain taken over and points to a porn site}

When in doubt, ask an autistic. Chances are, they're obsessed with what you need to know.

Autism Speaks will NEVER speak for me

CLASSIC AUTISM

Granted, but as she pulls the belt tight you both burst and there are bits of flesh, bone and organs everywhere... what a mess!

I wish for a chocolate éclair with fresh cream.

Granted, now you got your chocolate ecclair, but I managed to find one at the cheapest shop yet it is rock solid to eat.

I wish that I could have myself a croissant?

Granted, you now have a cross-ant. Careful it doesn't bite you, it is quite angry!

I wish all my work was done by Friday.

Granted! More work needs to be done by next Friday.

I wish my family wasn't so nosy,
as there was a confusing phone call
for me this morning.

Your family are not so nosy, their noses fall off. The worst bit for you is that this is due to a defective gene. Soon your nose will fall off.

I wish I could make pretty objects by drilling at wood with my nose, well I am a woodpecker !

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted. But I misheard your wish, and marked down your ability as "Drilling Steel". You can now damage important things.

I wish for a clone army of Albert Einstein.