Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, now we are being taken over by human geniuses to out smart us all.

I wish that imvu was weirdly true so I can actually look SOOOO cool?

Granted, your chin is now glued permanently to your left shoulder.

I wish someone would deposit £1M into my bank account today.

Granted, but the money came from a bank robbery.

I wish for a haircut.

Granted, Sweeny Todd has opened a barber shop on your street - next to the pie shop.

I wish I had some hair that needed cutting.

Granted, now you look good now making it an very easy hotspot to spot the TallyMan.

I wish that I could smile today?

Granted, and just like Gotham city's Joker you fall into a vat of toxic waste and a smile if forever etched onto your face.

I wish I never got any bills.

Granted! There is a warrant out for your arrest for tax evasion.

I wish I could visit Superboy Ian in London.

Granted, you get to visit Superboyian in London, he has made space for you in the freezer.

I wish for more TV programmes in English on French TV.

Granted, but just to be fair, that would mean more French programs on English TV.

I wish to go to New England.

Granted, but as soon as you get here you realize what an awful mistake you just made.

I wish I had no name. Get me now Kira!

Granted, you no longer have a name, but now you have a numerical designation of 9 of 16 and are now part of the Borg collective, on a ship working with omega partials, and the success rate has been low so far.

I wish my car had a stronger bumper that could withstand harder impacts.

EDIT: Oops, missed a few words.

Granted, you car bumper is now very strong. Just as well really, you should have taken care not to drive your car over the edge of that cliff. I've got good new and bad news for you...
Good news... Your bumper is still intact!
Bad news... You are not.

I wish my car lasts for ever without expensive repair bills.

Granted, your car is now the toughest, most durable, glitch free car in the world. Unfortunately it is stolen by Knight rider, as he's fed up driving around in his own car, listening to it's very annoying, very camp voice.

I wish global warming would hurry up so I can grow grapes in my garden.

Granted, you die of heatstroke.

I wish I was good at parkour.

Granted, but you grow ape like limbs and have to live in trees.

I wish I could have odourless farts?

Granted, instead they have color

I wish for wisdom.