Corrupt A Wish

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I wish I can corrupt a wish...

Granted. You are now Loki, the Norse trickster god.

I wish Diablo Cody was never born.

Granted. But now, since the person you mentioned never was born in the first place, this wish never would have been stated and as such the granting of it would never take place, meaning this sentence doesn't exist. However, since it does exist, it means the person has had to be born anyway and as such your wish is impossible to grant.

~

I wish the granter for this wish has to read this sentence over and over again indefinitely.

Granted. My head eventually implodes.

I wish this thread was closed. (not)

Granted. But in order to grant this, we had to move you to a different reality (where there still are carnivorous dinosaurs by the way, but that's another story). Because in this one, we can obviously continue to post in it.

~

I wish this text was unreadable to the next poster.

Since no one has posted, I will grant a wish again.

I wish that I was invisible.

Granted, and as an added bonus you can also pass though solid objects! Sorry about not being able to interact with objects anymore, and the lack of food might be a down side too.

I wish my TV had sound.

Granted, but due to not being specific, it only plays louder than imaginable. You lose your hearing.

I wish I could sleep.

Granted, but your alarm clock breaks and you sleep until noon and your boss is very very mad.

I wish for a grape crayon.

Granted, but it kills you.
I wish for inanimate objects to stay that way.

Granted, all the plants on the planet die because they are no longer able to convert minerals into living matter.

I wish my dog closed the door behind him... he taught himself how to operate the door handle to open the door but doesn't seem inclined to close it behind him.

Granted. Your dog's paws transform into human hands. He closes the door on your cold dead body after strangling you.

I wish I had a magic carpet?

Granted, but after it climes to 100,000 feet, it flips over and flys to where you want to go to.

I wish for a never ending can of air!

Granted. Everything ad infinitum is now air, and you're floating in the middle of it.

~

I wish I were infinitely intelligent.

Granted, you are now infinitely intelligent. However, this means everyone else seems like idiots to you and you can no longer relate to anyone or anything on the planet. You pine away a die a lonely death.

I wish for a glass of cold beer.

Granted, but the glass is so cold it shatters and kills you.

I wish I owned the moon.