Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. However, you will be hopelessly distracted for the first half-hour in thinking up witty posts for this forum.

I wish to get a lot done today!

Granted. You post a lot on the forum today.

~

I wish I had telepathic abilities.

Granted - you know everything what everyone has ever done.

I wish I was as brave as I'm short.

Granted. You take lessons from a chihuahua and learn to yap boldly at the big dogs.

I wish I had started the pot roast earlier.

Granted, you get your hookah pipe out and start roasting pot earlier.

I wish for a bacon sandwich.

Granted, but the bacon is made from the flesh of your unborn child and the bread is rye.

I wish I had more time.

Granted, your watch starts going backwards.

I wish for a camel ride through the Kalahari desert.

Okay, but you have to carry the camel, as he has no hooves, and it's the longest drought ever recorded in that region.

I wish I had adamantium in my body like wolverine?

Granted, you have Adam ant (the 80's singer) living in your body.

I wish upon a star.

Yes you do. On a star in a galaxy, billions of light years from Earth. Farewell TM!


I wish I could speak several languages?

Granted, you speak gibberish, jellyfish and cuttlefish.

I wish I could speak Martian.

Granted. Since there is no sentient life on Mars, and therefore no Martian language, you have become mute.

I wish I didn't have ADD.

In the middle of granted and denied. (But seriously, why?)

I wish I am instantly cured of my sickness.

Granted, all the afflicted tissues of your body suddenly disappear.
I wish my dogs could take care of themselves.

Granted, they make you move outside into a makeshift human kennel and they live indoors.

I wish for a sudden downpour of rain.

Granted, but it pours only over your dogs, making them howl and bark.

I wish for sudden deafness and blindness of inspectors on Friday.