Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. Nobody can best you know when it comes to using a Microwave!

I wish for a fish.

Granted, don't eat it all at once:


I wish for some fertilizer for my garden.

Sorry, shipment of fertilizer across state lines is against the law, as it's a key component in homemade bombs. You'll have to make your own.

I wish Fr. Philip would come to appreciate good, fresh, healthy food. He left me frozen fish sticks to serve for lunch today! Appalling!

Granted, The Friar gives you a deep frier and a mountain of lard to cook with.

I wish for a packet of crisps (potato chips to the Americans)

Granted, you receive a 50-lb package of potato chips (crisps to you Brits).

I wish there were no poison ivy left anywhere.

No more poison ivy, that is becuase you have eaten it all ! Not good for you !

I wish for a machine which transmutes one metal into another. That way I would be able to make a fortune converting base metals to gold. Then when gold is plentyful and iron expensive, I would make some more money converting some of thegold to iron.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted. You have thrust the technology scale of Earth into the 24th century by having made the replicator.

The problem is, now we are going about doing Star Trek in 2010. A bit too early.

I wish for a Working USS Enterprise-E.

Granted. Unfortunately you fail the physical and are not accepted on the crew.

I wish the mosquitos would eat poison ivy, and the poison ivy would poison the mosquitos, and they would both go extinct.

Granted; when they bite you, however, it would be much nastier than a regular mosquito bite!

I wish I could spend a lot of things without breaking the bank.

You spend lots and lots without breaking the bank ! You have a piggy bank with 10000 euros in it, you try to break it open to get the money. The only problem is that the piggy bank was made by "Woodpecker Technical Services Ltd" where a team of Aspies and Auties have been doing some hardcore materials science.

We have made the piggy bank out of titanium reinforced geopolymer concrete with tyre rubber added to improve the shock resistance of the concrete so you can not bash it open with a 14 lb hammer. The superhard geopolymer has particles of a soft metal (copper) added so that dimond angle grinder disks rapidly clog. The money inside has a thermite charge with it, and a glass vial of glue so do not even think of using a thermal lance or explosives. To stop you looking inside we have added boron nitride to the concrete (this will defeat neutron radiography) and to stop you using X-rays or gamma rays we have added uranium dioxide / polyethene blend to the concrete. To stop you using ultrasound we have used a superclever smart material (blend of rubber and sand to form an isolating layer between the inner and out parts of the piggy bank). To finish the job off (and you chances of getting the money) the piggy bank weighs about 2 tones and is on a water logged beach which is known for having quicksand ! (Goodness did I enjoy dreaming up that piggy bank)

You spend lots of time trying to work out a way to break into the piggy bank, and no matter what you try it will not break open.

Face it ! you are not getting the money !

I wish that I could transmutate elements at will, also the products have to be non radioactive and the transmutation occurs on a multikilo scale. I would then be able to make lots of money turning garden soil into rhodium and gold.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted; but your secret gets out before you can apply for a patent, your patent is denied, your technique becomes general knowledge and you never get to profit from it.

I wish I tolerated hot humid weather as well as I did when I was young and beanpole-skinny.

Granted, due to a transformation at the genetic level you now enjoy high humidity:

I wish I had the body of an 18 year old.

Granted, the body of an eighteen year old warthog!


I wish I could go on a date with Charlize Theron?

Granted, but her boyfriend smashes your skull.

I wish I lived in a yellow submarine.

Granted, but Sergeant Pepper keeps you there for ever.

I wish for a beetle.

Granted, you now have the first Volkswagen Beetle in your possession. Are you planning to explain how it suddenly appeared?

I wish for a pleasant rainy day that one could take a walk in.