Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, it is a new vigorous hybrid and its roots soon undermine the foundations of your house and little tree suckers start to push up through your floorboards.

I wish there were no weeds in my garden.

Granted. Your neighbor pours gasoline on your garden.


I wish that my sweetheart were here with me.

Granted, your sweetheart is here with me.

I wish I knew how to play the shakahachi flute.

Wish granted but then you realize you can't afford to buy the flute.

I wish I knew how to speak Mandarin.

Granted but you must relocate to a Chinese citrus fruit packing station for eternity.

I wish Haribo was suitable for vegetarians.

Granted (link). They probably taste like dog doo, right?

I wish I could tolerate hot weather better.

Granted, but your tolerance for cold weather drops significantly.

I wish I could play Chess well.

Granted, you're so good no one will play with you.

I wish to go to bed BEFORE falling asleep tonight (rather than falling asleep on the sofa)

Granted, you crawl into bed and your mattress falls apart so you get stuck with the sofa

I wish I could know everything.

Granted; but not all at once. One in, one out

I wish my appt with the new chiropractor were tomorrow instead of next Thursday

Granted, you have an appointment with your chiropractor tomorrow....during his or her lunch hour. The receptionist tells you to reschedule and that the next available opening is weeks or months away.

I wish I was respected by my peers and family.

Granted, but they grew to respect and appreciate you because you are suffering from Malaria.

I wish that I could predict the future with 100% accuracy.

Granted, you now know you will die.

I wish to come back as a slug in my next life and live in a lettuce garden.

Granted. However, lots of old coffee grounds will descend from above if you go near the plants.

I wish I had a huge dryer that dried out the shower room each day so that I don`t have to clean it.

Granted, there is an electrical fault and your shower room is burned bone dry.

I wish for a plate of lettuce and radish for evening meal.

Granted but they were grown in a tub of elephant manure and haven`t been rinsed.

I wish the rain would go off as I only cleaned the windows yesterday.