Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, unfortunately he's not so good at repairing the door when the party's over. You've even offered him a key but he just keeps on busting through every new door you put up! Until finally you splurge on a steel door and all he can do is dent it, but in the process the pitcher breaks against the steel, and your best friend becomes a bright red, sticky, kool-aid scented, carpet of ants outside your front door.

I wish I could spend the morning working in the garden without landlady coming out to chatter at me.

Granted. Except she still comes to chatter at you in the morning, only this time she's your landlord.

I wish I could start my own colony on a tropical island.

Granted, you are now deported to a "tropical island" with thousands of hardened criminals. (Serves you right for stealing a cookie! )

I wish my back didn't ache from all the work I've done today.

Granted. Now it's everywhere BUT your back. And now your back hurts from sitting down, rather than work. (double corruption! Yay!)

I wish I could understand every human language on Earth.

確かに、それは1000年、それらをすべて学ぶことが表示されます。

私は日本刀でマスターだった思います。

My Japanese isn't that great. Is that a wish?

If so, it's granted. You are then shot with a pistol challenging Andrew Jackson to a duel.

I wish that I (and only I) had 48 hours a day to do things, rather than 24.

Granted, except you age twice as fast and grow old while watching all you friends and family stay young. I wish I could see the news on tv a day before it aired.

Granted, but this makes you very valuable and the CIA lock you in a cell and you have to give them the information every day in return for food.

I wish for a pint of real English beer.

Granted, but then you go insane with the knowledge of all the tragedies that are about to befall, and you are unable to stop them.

I wish someone would come organize my closets.

Granted, someone goes through your drawers.

I still wish for my pint of English beer!

You call that a corruption??

Okay, you can have your pint of English beer, but it was made with French horse pi**.

I wish for a golden tan.

Granted. Here's your new husband: Midas.

I wish my city had a tea shop (a place that sold loose-leaf tea exclusively).

Granted, but it's run by little old ladies that smell of dusty roses and denture cream, and they pinch your cheeks every time you enter the shop.

I wish I had a better attention span.

Granted---you now have a great attention span. You have just won tickets to a consumer advocacy speech by Ralph Nader.

I wish I had a theatre pipe organ in my house.

Granted. Good luck trying to fit inside.

I wish that I had absolute immunity to disease.

Granted. But your miraculous immunity has made you of grate interest to the CDC (invasive medical tests any one?).

I wish my sealing was not infested with spiders.