Mountain Goat's funny sayings

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Hi said the cola as the man took a sip.

Bet your father thought you were so bright ...... he called you Sun /. Son.

Willie was a chemist,
But he isn't any more;
What he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.*







*sulfuric acid

The Peacock lamented “ I have lost all my Peas”

"Hehe"... sniggered the peas as they hid from the peacock.

"Tickle, tickle" said the spider as she hid on the woman's back.

Do you believe in free speech? Yes? Can I use your telephone?

What's wrong with my glasses she said as she rubbed more salad cream on the lenses.
That's better she admitted as she brought the toilet rolls up to her eyes.

Lololzzz. Silly , but cute.

A psychiatrist goes into his waiting room and is surprised to find that the lone occupant is a cow, whom he duly ushers into his office.
"I've never had a cow as a patient before", says the psychiatrist. "What brings you here"?
"I'm feeling very anxious", says the cow. "A lot of people I meet say that they want to be my friend, but I keep having the feeling that they all just want to turn my rear end into beef patties."
"So," replies the psychiatrist, "How long do you think you've had this Ass-Burgers syndrome?"

O~M~G. ......... that’s baaaad ...

BAM said the custard as it put on its coat and hat.

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the proprietor about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for politician brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is politician brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many politicians we had to go through to get one ounce of brain?"

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery.
He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Wait for me said the soap as the water went down the plughole.