Rate a story concept!

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Rules:

Come up with a concept for a story - put as much detail as you want, but the limit is 250 words. Rate the previous idea from 1-10, then make your own. (Please use paragraphs for each point. Worded feedback is recommended, but optional.)

You are free to use these however you like.

I'll start.

About 10% the population is infected with a "Beast Syndrome". It is either inherited, or forced onto those with a particularly psychotic personality.

This effectively gives them transformations of various sorts and superhuman abilities; but at the cost of an unsatisfiable desire to eat human flesh.

It is possible to not eat them, but in most cases will leave them in a near-death state of starvation.

Laws are in place that prevent beasts from eating normal people. It also states that their beast mark must always be visible.

Beasts can be identified by a "Beast's Mark" located somewhere on their body, and pulsating blood veins while channeling abilities.

The main character is a high school student, whom goes to a school with a 38% estimated beast population out of 5,000~ - as deaths occur daily, this number is slowly decreasing.

While the main character is a beast, as his mark is located at the palm of his right foot - he has been able to go unnoticed his entire life. He is also an orphan, which is how he went unregistered at birth.

His other form is known as "The Black Beast", an enigma who shows himself periodically, devouring those whom have been known to break beast laws.

6/10

It's passable, but I'm not sure what the point of the story is. A good story needs to be about something. Just seems like a kinda generic anime/supehero tale. Also, if there really were "beast people", thinking that the government wouldn't put them in a camp or something is a bit too much of a stretch. And finally, for the main character...wouldn't the doctors have noticed the beast mark on his foot when he was born??

My story idea: You Only Live Once

(Note: This is a screenplay I've been working on for 2 years. I'll give a basic summary or else I'll go on forever.)

In the year 2011, in the town of Bridgeview, Washington, 3 disillusioned young men (Patrick Whitman, who earlier in his life was accused of murder; Dick Robinson, an alcoholic ex-marine with PTSD; and Paulie "Babyface" Robinson, Dick's younger cousin, a psychotic, meth dealing "Brooklyn Hipster") create an underground gambling sport based around Russian Roulette. This unwittingly leads them into confrontation with the Russian Mafia, and events quickly spiral out of control as past secrets are revealed and the body count rises.

This is actually meant to be an extremely dark comedy/satire that shines a harsh light on the values and mentality of "Generation YOLO". Think of something like Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Breaking Bad, and you should have a good feel for the tone that I'm going after.

I say 7/10. It seems like it might be good, but the character development of the three friends feels like it's going to need to be a huge focus. There's a quick exercise for this actually - come up with 100 different questions, then ask your characters for their answers.

And now, for the next concept...

(Note - this uses a lot of terms tied to the US Supreme Court.)

In 2062, 24 years before the start of the story - an alien crashes into a forest in Washington DC.

The main character is an accountant working for the supreme court - he also has a friend, whom is currently in the court's "minor justice" system, implemented a year before the start of the story - a program for gifted individuals whom are below the current justice age requirement - two people max at any one time. The man himself is wildly eccentric; prefers to be called by "Nyaan" than his actual name, and has a girlfriend who breaks up with him halfway through the story.

The main character has previously testified in a case before - in which a man was falsely accused and his daughter had been put into a 22-year (To date) long coma by the criminal organization actually behind it. The prosecutor from that case is now currently the head justice.

The main character eventually learns of the existence of the alien - the government, believing that he wishes to do evil, while he is merely scouting the planet to see if it will do for an intergalactic alliance - makes an attempt to frame him for murder, and bring him into an area 51-esque area. Thus, the main character has to use his lawyer knowledge to stop it.

Other characters include a man from the main character's past - a shady man known as "Mist" who cares only for the truth, regardless of its repercussions.

(Not counting this last sentence - that's exactly 250 words XD.)